


Settle Down With Me (and I'll Be Your Safety)

by Impossibly_Izzy



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: (because of course), Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - Parents, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Becoming a family, Bisexuality, Charles has a food truck, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Holt and Kevin are the grandparents we all deserve, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, It's a bit sad and quite a lot happy, Jake has issues, Jake needs a ten minute hug, M/M, Referenced Gun Violence, Road Trips, Single Parents, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-03-07 21:04:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 30,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18881233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Impossibly_Izzy/pseuds/Impossibly_Izzy
Summary: ‘I hope we can find a solution to this, because this kind of behaviour is not acceptable. But I know that both of you have… ah, difficult family situations, so I thought it was best we talk about it.’Katie poked Nikolaj in the arm. ‘She means because we don’t have moms.’‘I do too have a mom,’ said Nikolaj.‘Idea,’ said Katie’s father. ‘How about the four of us get together sometime? Maybe the kiddos can settle their differences.’ He shot Charles a smile so radiant that Charles had to look away.AKA, the Jake/Charles single parents AU featuring sad stuff but also fun stuff!





	1. Bad Influences

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a lot of things, but primarily rileyhart's [ single parents AU](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18140060/chapters/42892253), goldensteps' [Team Peralta series](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1114572) and vgault883's prompts on tumblr. Also the ITV show Cold Feet, if anyone's familiar with that.  
> It's going to be a happy story overall, with the emphasis on the 'comfort' part of 'hurt/comfort', but there's going to be some sad stuff mentioned and I'll make sure I include the relevant warnings.  
> The title is from 'Kiss Me' by Ed Sheeran, so I guess now I have multiple fics with Ed Sheeran titles? XD  
> Enjoy!

‘Hi, this is Miss Jenkins. I’m calling about Nikolaj.’

‘Yes?’ said Charles, distractedly. He was walking around Costco, awkwardly pushing a shopping cart with one arm as he held his phone with the other and tried to find flour. Had they moved the flour? He should have been at the food truck already, but he had stopped to pick up a few things and it had turned into a full-on expedition into the labyrinth of the wholesaler.

‘We’ve never had any behavioural issues with him before – he’s a very sweet boy – but recently there’s been some conflict between him and another student. I was hoping you could come in for a meeting with her father after school today?’

Charles stopped walking, picking over his memory of that morning. Nikolaj had seemed perfectly cheerful – but it _sounded_ like he was getting picked on. And if it was serious enough that Charles had to go for a meeting with this kid’s dad? That dad would not be coming away unscathed.

‘Mr Boyle?’ the teacher said.

Charles realised that he needed to say something. ‘Yes, absolutely. I’ll be there.’

‘Excellent,’ said Miss Jenkins. ‘I’ll see you at three thirty.’

He normally left Nikolaj at the after-school club and stayed at the food truck late enough to see the start of the dinner rush, at least on the days Nikolaj wasn’t being picked up by Genevieve or someone else. He hated doing it, but it was part of the compromise he had to make as a single father. He’d have to leave early today. He probably should have asked if there was a better time, but negotiating things wasn’t one of Charles’ strong suits.

Charles wrestled with the cart, succeeding only in pushing it into a shelf of canned soup. It was going to be a long day.

 

The third-grade classroom was empty except for Miss Jenkins at her desk, with Nikolaj and another kid sitting in front of her as they studiously ignored each other.

‘Hi, Nikolaj,’ Charles said, glancing over his son for any sign of harm.

‘Hi, Papa!’ Nikolaj looked fine: not only unhurt but perfectly happy. ‘I love you.’

‘Have a seat,’ Miss Jenkins said. ‘We’re just waiting on Katie’s father.’

Charles awkwardly wedged himself into the third-grader sized chair next to his son. The other kid, who had a bright orange t-shirt and a mop of dark curls, showed no sign of interest in what was going on, focused instead on the fidget spinner in her hand.

There was a moment of silence before the door burst open and a man fell through it. He looked a lot like his daughter: brightly-coloured, curly-haired, and a distracted mess. His messenger bag was half-open, his tie loose.

‘I’m so sorry I’m late!’ he said, breathlessly. ‘It was a work thing. I’m a cop – it was important. You know, saving the city. All in a day’s work. ‘Sup, Katie.’ He ruffled his daughter’s hair and sank into the seat beside her. Miss Jenkins gave him a sternly disapproving look, which pretty much captured how Charles was feeling too.

He didn’t trust this guy. Because he was too laid back, and because his kid was apparently picking on Nikolaj. Charles just wished he was less attractive. His face was stupidly perfect, and it was distracting.

‘Right,’ said Miss Jenkins. ‘I called you all in because there’s been a lot of tension between Katie and Nikolaj.’ She glanced from Katie’s dad to Charles and back again. ‘They’ve been calling each other names, pulling hair, a lot of silly things.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Charles interrupted. ‘Nikolaj doesn’t do things like that.’

Miss Jenkins shifted uncomfortably. ‘He does, actually. There was an incident on the monkey bars earlier-’

‘He tried to push me off,’ said Katie.

Charles looked at Nikolaj. ‘Is that true?’

‘She said High School Musical sucked,’ said Nikolaj, like that was a perfectly valid reason. (Which it only _almost_ was.)

‘You think High School Musical sucks?’ Katie’s father said, looking at Katie indignantly.

‘It _does_ ,’ she insisted.

‘I’m not sure that’s the most important take away here,’ said Miss Jenkins. She looked at Charles again, obviously hoping he was going to be more of an adult about this. ‘I hope we can find a solution to this, because this kind of behaviour is not acceptable. But I know that both of you have… ah, _difficult_ family situations, so I thought it was best we talk about it.’

Katie poked Nikolaj in the arm. ‘She means because we don’t have moms.’

‘I do _too_ have a mom,’ said Nikolaj.

‘Idea,’ said Katie’s father. ‘How about the four of us get together sometime? Maybe the kiddos can settle their differences.’ He shot Charles a smile so radiant that Charles had to look away.

‘Great idea.’ Miss Jenkins looked relieved.

‘Sure, okay,’ said Charles, still not sure how to deal with the information that his sweet and placid son had apparently been pushing girls off monkey bars.

Miss Jenkins looked at the two children. ‘I hope to see some better behaviour from you two. Right, enjoy your weekend, everyone!’

Charles got to his feet, wondering what to do about all of this. He’d probably have to talk to Genevieve about it, which he usually preferred not to do.

‘Ready to go?’ he said to Nikolaj.

‘I have to get my schoolbag,’ he said.

‘Of course.’ Charles followed his son to the cloakroom.

‘Soooo,’ Katie’s dad said, coming in behind them. ‘You wanna fix up a playdate?’ He grinned at Charles; his face was made for smiling.

‘Sure.’

‘Here, lemme get your number.’ Katie’s dad held out his phone, and Charles entered his first name and his phone number. ‘Great, I’ll text you. I’m Jake, by the way.’

‘Charles.’ They shook hands, and Jake’s hand was big and solid and felt way too nice. ‘I’m sorry about the whole monkey bars thing – that’s really not like him.’

Jake laughed. ‘It’s cool, we’ll sort it out.’ He pointed a double finger-guns at Charles. ‘Single dads gotta stick together!’

And with that, he and Katie were gone.

‘I wasn’t picking on Katie,’ Nikolaj said, as they walked out to the car. ‘She’s like my _rival_.’

Was that better? Charles didn’t really know how he felt about his son having a rival.

‘You can’t push people off monkey bars, though,’ he said. ‘How would you feel if someone did that to you?’

‘Katie pushed me off the ladder. That’s similar.’

Charles frowned. ‘Why do you play with Katie if you don’t like each other?’

‘You don’t get it,’ said Nikolaj.

And when had his son started saying things like that? Charles suspected that Katie was a bad influence on him. Jake looked like the sort of person who would raise a bad influence, all unkempt and cheerful and… handsome.

He decided to let the Katie thing go for the time being. He would arrange a playdate with her and Jake, and hopefully they could make nice. He might even be able to avoid a conversation with Genevieve about it.

By the time he got home, Jake had texted him.

 **Jake** : So my work schedule is crazy what with saving the city

 **Jake** : But I could do something next Sunday?

 **Charles** : Sounds good! How about you and Katie come over for lunch?

 **Jake** : Noice


	2. Playdate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is pizza, accidental innuendos, and Gina wisdom.

‘Hi, Dad!’ Katie said, when Jake picked her up from after-school club on Thursday evening.

‘Hey, you,’ said Jake. ‘Good day?’

‘Yep,’ said Katie. She skipped along beside him, full of eight-year-old energy. ‘I won two races in gym and we’re starting a new project about ancient Egypt!’

‘Cool,’ said Jake. ‘Very cool.’ He pushed through the school gate, stopping to hold it for another parent, and then looked at the guy properly and recognised him. ‘Oh, hey, Charles.’

Charles gave him a polite smile. ‘Hi.’

Jake didn’t let it deter him. ‘See you and Nikolaj at the weekend!’ he said, with added finger-guns.

‘ _Nikolaj_ ,’ Charles corrected.

‘That’s what I said,’ said Jake. ‘Nikolaj.’

‘ _Nikolaj_.’

‘Nikolaj.’

‘You’re both saying it the _same_!’ Katie complained.

‘Right, well I’d better go get _Nikolaj_ ,’ said Charles. ‘I’ll see you both on Sunday.’

 

Sunday rolled around, and Jake realised at the last moment that he should probably take some food with him to Charles’. Pretty pleased with himself for remembering some grown-up etiquette, and also for remembering the word ‘etiquette’, he stopped by the grocery store for cake, because it seemed appropriately festive and delicious.

‘What’s the point of this?’ Katie complained from the back seat of the car. ‘Why can’t we just eat cake at _home_?’

‘Hey, I saved your butt with this playdate,’ Jake said. ‘We’ve just gotta go be nice to Charles and Nikolaj for a bit or we’ll get in trouble with your scary teacher.’

‘Ugh,’ said Katie.

Jake found a parking spot reasonably close to Charles’ apartment, and by the time he and Katie had reached the door they _almost_ weren’t even late. Charles opened the door, wearing a flour-covered apron over a blue sweater.

‘Hey,’ he said. ‘We were just making pizza!’

‘You can _make_ pizza?’ said Katie. Charles laughed.

‘Yeah, I don’t cook very much,’ Jake said, holding up his store-bought cake as proof. In his defence, he always made sure Katie ate enough fruit and veggies, even if a lot of them were contained in ready meals or pimped-up instant ramen.

They went through to the kitchen, where Charles and Nikolaj were indeed making pizza. Jake was almost as impressed as Katie.

‘Can I make one?’ she said.

‘Sure!’ said Charles, and balled up a piece of dough for her.

‘Mine’s gonna be the best,’ Katie said, directing this comment at Nikolaj.

‘How about we all do one?’ Jake said quickly. ‘And then both of you can put me to shame.’

Charles showed them how to stretch out the pizza dough, which Katie and Nikolaj managed pretty well but Jake was terrible at.

‘Like this,’ Charles said, raising his eyebrows at him as he demonstrated. ‘You’ve got to really put your wrists to good use.’

Was Charles flirting with him? He was probably imagining it. Actually, that was even more worrisome, because it suggested that Jake _wanted_ Charles to be flirting with him.

The kids bickered a bit about whose pizza was better, but they both decided they wanted every possible topping, and in the end there wasn’t much difference between them. Thankfully, they had stopped glaring at each other, instead talking about the pros and cons of mini peperonis versus regular sized ones.

By the time the pizzas were in the oven, Jake had come to the conclusion that Charles wasn’t flirting with him - he just had very expressive eyebrows and a tendency to sound suggestive without meaning to. Jake wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed.

‘So you’re a cop?’ Charles said, as they washed up. Jake had offered to help, because he was _really_ nailing this grown up etiquette thing.

‘Yeah, a detective,’ Jake said.

‘My dad is the best cop ever,’ Katie said. ‘Except for John McClane.’

‘She hasn’t seen Die Hard,’ Jake said quickly, in case Charles was judging him. ‘I just talk about it a lot.’

‘Yeah, well _my_ dad has a food truck,’ said Nikolaj. ‘That’s way better than being a cop.’

The pizzas were amazing. Jake though that maybe he was going to have to try out this whole ‘cooking’ thing. Or swing by Charles’ food truck sometime.

‘Wanna play Mario Kart?’ Nikolaj said to Katie, once they’d eaten lunch.

‘You mean, do I want to _beat you_ at Mario Kart?’ said Katie. ‘Because I do.’

‘Is she too competitive?’ Jake wondered aloud.

‘At least they’re not fighting anymore,’ Charles said, coming to stand beside Jake in the kitchen doorway. They both watched the kids setting up the game, only bickering _slightly_ about who got which remote.

‘I just… I really want Katie to have a good time at this school,’ Jake said. ‘She says she’s fine but she’s been there nearly a year and she doesn’t seem to have any good friends, you know?’

‘I know,’ said Charles, moving around the kitchen and clearing the last few things away.

Jake tried to help, and started talking about work again. He found himself bringing out his most impressive cop stories – _yeah, I went undercover in the mafia, no big deal –_ because, if he was being honest with himself, he wanted to impress Charles.

Because Charles was a single dad who seemed to have way more of his shit together than Jake, who knew how to make pizza dough, who obviously loved his kid to pieces. Because he was warm and had nice swoopy hair and nice lips and, okay, fine, Jake was into him.

‘Since the kids are occupied,’ said Charles. ‘Do you want some coffee and some of that cake you brought? A bit of afternoon delight?’ He raised his eyebrows.

‘That is _not_ what people mean when they say that,’ Jake said, laughing and trying to hide the way that comment had made him just a little bit flustered. ‘But, yeah, I’d love some.’

Jake sat at the kitchen table while Charles made coffee, thinking that this ‘being friends with other parents’ thing was pretty good.

‘You said Katie was new at the school,’ Charles said. ‘So did you just move to the area, or…?’

‘Nah, I pulled her out of her last school,’ Jake said.

‘How come?’ said Charles. He sat down opposite Jake, putting the coffees on the table. ‘I mean, you don’t have to-’

‘No, it’s fine,’ said Jake. ‘It’s good to talk to someone who gets it.’ He sighed. ‘She was having some problems at her old school… she’s got ADHD and the teachers just didn’t get it. They were taking her fidget toys off her, accusing her of being lazy or not even trying to pay attention. It _sucked_. I wanted to find her somewhere that they could support her properly, you know?’

‘I know,’ said Charles. ‘I would do anything for Nikolaj. I know it’s not the same, but he’s had his own problems, especially since his mom and I separated.’ Jake nodded in a way that he hoped was compassionate and understanding. ‘He still sees her a few times a week,’ Charles said. ‘But I know it was hard on him when we broke up. Especially since he’s adopted – we were meant to give him this perfect home, you know?’

‘Uh,’ said Jake, because this conversation had got very real. ‘Well my parents got divorced, and I’m fine. Kinda.’

‘Was I oversharing?’ said Charles, obviously sensing Jake’s discomfort. ‘I’m so sorry. I’ve been told I do that.’

‘No, no, it’s fine,’ Jake said, even though he had been, a bit. But Charles looked so worried that he had messed up, and, besides, it wasn’t Charles’ fault that Jake had a weird relationship with his parents. ‘You can talk about whatever.’

Charles had invited Jake and Katie for lunch, but they ended up staying well into the afternoon. Eventually, Katie got tired and restless, and Jake decided it was best to take her home.

‘I’m glad we did this,’ said Charles.

‘Me too!’ said Jake. ‘Hey, why don’t you and Nikolaj come over to ours sometime?’

Charles smiled like he was trying not to full-on beam. ‘That sounds great.’

 

A few days later Jake was sitting in the break room at work, drinking coffee and thinking about seeing Charles again. Which was probably crazy, because he barely knew the guy.

Gina walked in, and Jake looked up and said, ‘Hey, can I get some of your Gina wisdom?’ He really needed to talk about this whole Charles situation.

‘Of course,’ Gina sank into the seat opposite him. ‘You know how much I like to impart wisdom.’

‘Yeah,’ said Jake. ‘So the thing is… I don’t know, it’s crazy, but I sort of… met a guy.’

‘What kind of guy?’

‘A… cute guy?’ said Jake. ‘He’s the dad of one of the kids in Katie’s class.’

‘Ooh, is this a forbidden love?’ said Gina.

‘Nope,’ said Jake. ‘He and the kid’s mom are separated.’

‘Shame,’ said Gina.

‘No, it isn’t!’ said Jake. ‘But seriously. This guy is really nice, and cute, and he made pizza from scratch and it was weirdly amazing. And did I mention he’s cute? But, you know, I haven’t successfully dated anyone since…’

‘Yeah,’ said Gina.

‘I don’t even remember _how_ to date people,’ said Jake. ‘What do you do, go to a bar? We can’t do that, we’ve got kids! And what would we talk about? And how would I even know if he wants to go out with me?’

‘Shut up,’ said Gina. ‘And listen. You deserve fun, and you deserve a life outside of Katie. I say, go get it girl.’

She made it sound so simple. But maybe it was: she’d dated around since Iggy had been born, after all. ‘Solid advice,’ Jake said.

‘And I can babysit, if you want,’ Gina added. ‘Right, I have to go do some “work” so Captain Holt doesn’t “fire me”, but seriously – I’m here if you need anything.’

Jake got out his phone to text Charles. He thought about straight-up asking him out, but his chest tightened with nerves at the thought. What if it was too soon? What if Charles wasn’t interested in him like that? What if Jake really _had_ forgotten how to date?

In the end all he did was reinstate his offer of another playdate, but Gina’s advice stayed in the back of his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this extremely niche fic! Comments and kudos make me very happy ;)


	3. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two families spend more time together, and Charles learns about Jake's history.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. This is a tricky one.  
> This story is under 'creator chose not to use archive warnings', unlike the rest of my fics, while all have 'no archive warning apply', basically because I wasn't sure if certain warnings applied or not. I was also torn between tagging certain things, and leaving them untagged to maintain an element of surprise. You'll see what I mean as you read this chapter.  
> There is talk of death, grief, and gun violence in this chapter, and in the rest of the story. If you don't wanna see that, I have so many non-sad stories you can check out!

In the end, they didn’t go to Jake’s apartment. They hung out at the park and attempted to play four-person baseball, and of course Charles was terrible, and Katie was aggressively competitive, and Nikolaj tried his hardest to match her in terms of both ambition and sporting ability. After a while the kids decided to develop their own game, which involved using the plastic baseball bats as swords, and Charles and Jake decided to leave them to it.

‘We were playing Ancient Greeks,’ Nikolaj told Charles afterwards. ‘Next time Katie comes over she’s going to bring her real swords.’

‘Oh, she’s coming over again, is she?’ said Charles.

‘Yep,’ said Nikolaj. ‘And her dad.’

Charles laughed, because apparently his eight-year-old son was planning his social life for him, but he didn’t mind at all if it meant seeing Jake again.

‘It smells amazing in here,’ said Katie, the instant Charles opened the door to her and Jake.

‘I made cookies!’ Charles said.

‘Cool,’ said Jake. ‘Coolcoolcoolcoolcool. I think Katie’s gonna want to move in soon, what with all this amazing food.’

‘You think my food’s amazing?’ said Charles, not caring anymore how desperate it made him sound.

‘Duh,’ said Jake. ‘So far you’ve made pizza _and_ cookies. Like, what’s next, cookie pizza?’

‘Or pizza cookies,’ Charles suggested.

‘Genius,’ said Jake.

Jake was grinning at him, and Charles was full-on beaming, and he couldn’t look away. Jake was _very_ pretty when he was smiling like that.

‘So one of those is pizza with cookies on, and the other one is like a pizza-sized cookie?’ said Katie. Charles had almost forgotten that she was standing right next to them. ‘Noice. I wanna try both.’

Jake laughed, finally looking away from Charles. ‘Maybe next time.’

‘Hey, Katie,’ said Nikolaj, appearing in the doorway.

‘I brought the weapons!’ Katie held up the wooden sword and plastic lightsabre she was carrying.

‘Cool!’ said Nikolaj. The two of his disappeared into his room, already debating who would use which weapon.

‘Well,’ said Jake. ‘Our kids are about to beat the shit out of each other.’

Charles laughed. ‘More cookies for us then.’

‘Uh-huh,’ said Jake, following Charles into the kitchen. ‘We’re great parents.’ He eyed the cookies on their cooling racks.

‘Help yourself,’ said Charles. ‘Those ones are chocolate and almond and the other ones are salted caramel and pecan.’

‘Amazing,’ said Jake, taking one of each.

‘Do you think we can spare a few of these for the kids?’ Charles said.

‘I’ll take them,’ Jake volunteered, cheerfully.

He really was attractive, Charles mused, as he waited for Jake to come back. And funny, and kind, and not as bad of an influence as he had assumed. And _single_.

It had been a while since Charles had dated anyone, and longer still since he had dated a guy. He had been scared of introducing any new adults into Nikolaj’s life, scared that his son would get attached to them. Which he definitely would, if he was anything like Charles. And then what would happen when they inevitably left, just like Genevieve and all the people Charles had loved before her?

But something about Jake was making Charles feel foolish and hopeful.

‘I just realised who you are!’ Jake beamed as he stepped back into the room ‘You’re Gina’s step-brother, right?’

‘You know Gina?’ said Charles.

‘We grew up together,’ Jake said, plonking himself back down at the table and helping himself to yet another cookie. ‘Which means, not to get one up on you, but she was my sister first.’

‘How did you figure it out?’

‘With my amazing detective skills, duh,’ said Jake. ‘Also, there’s a picture of you and Gina in the hallway.’

‘That’d do it,’ Charles conceded.

‘How did I not know it was you?’ said Jake.

‘Were you at the wedding?’ said Charles. He would have remembered Jake if he’d seen him before, wouldn’t he?

‘Uh, you know,’ said Jake, shifting uncomfortably. ‘Sort of. I was and I wasn’t.’

What was _that_ meant to mean? Charles decided not to press it, because he didn’t want to make Jake any more uncomfortable, but he made a mental note to go through the wedding photos and see if Jake was in any of them.

Instead, he said, ‘What were the kids doing when you went in?’

‘Talking about history,’ said Jake. ‘And also sword fighting. Good multitasking skills right there.’

‘Nikolaj said they were rivals,’ Charles said. ‘But it seems to be a friendly one.’

‘Make’s sense,’ said Jake. ‘Katie’s always been competitive. She takes after her mom.’

Jake had never mentioned Katie’s mother before. _We don’t have moms,_ Katie had said to Nikolaj, in that meeting the first time Charles and Jake had met. Charles’ curiosity got the better of him.

‘So is she… in the picture at all?’

‘Uh,’ said Jake. He made a face, running a hand through his hair. ‘It never gets easier telling people this. Or, you know, thinking about it.’

Charles had a sudden feeling that he was walking across ice, and that any moment now it was going to break. ‘You don’t have to…’ he said.

Jake shook his head. ‘No, it’s okay. I can talk about it. We’re friends, right?’

‘We are,’ said Charles.

‘So, Katie’s mom…’ said Jake. He cringed, like the words tasted bitter in his mouth. ‘My wife. She got shot. Trying to diffuse a hostage situation.’

The ice beneath Charles’ feet cracked, and he felt like icy water was enveloping him.

‘Oh my god, Jake,’ he said. ‘I’m so sorry.’ What else was there to say to something like that?

‘Yeah.’ Jake’s voice cracked, just barely. ‘It was… it’s been rough. Katie was a baby. And on the one hand, it kills me that she never got to know her mom. But on the other hand, she didn’t know what she was losing.’

‘That’s awful,’ said Charles. ‘I’m… I’m so sorry I asked about it.’

‘It’s cool,’ said Jake. He gave Charles the saddest, wateriest smile. ‘It was seven years ago. And I’d rather talk about it than, like, pretend she never existed.’

And that was a fair point, but Charles hated the pain in Jake’s face. ‘What was her name?’ he said.

The corner of Jake’s mouth twitched: just the barest trace of a real smile.

‘Amy.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I have nothing to say for myself.


	4. One Day At A Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake seeks advice on his romantic decision-making.

‘Jake!’ said Gina, as soon as he walked into work the next day.

‘What?’ he said. ‘Is Holt mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Is this about all the loose gummy worms in my desk – I swear I’m gonna eat those.’

‘What? No!’ said Gina. ‘This is about your terrible romantic decision making!’

‘Jake’s making romantic decisions?’ said Rosa, looking up curiously.

‘Me and Gina are gonna go talk about this somewhere else,’ Jake said, pointedly. He wasn’t ready to talk to the rest of the squad about this just yet.

‘Fine,’ said Gina, and followed Jake into the break room.

‘What was that about?’ said Jake.

‘Your cute guy is _Charles Boyle_?’ Gina said, her face full of disgust.

‘Firstly,’ said Jake. ‘He’s not _my_ cute guy. And yeah, isn’t that weird?’

‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘It’s weird that the first person you’re into in seven years is _Charles_.’

‘Didn’t you have sex with him first?’ said Jake. That part of his life was hazy in his memory, but he was pretty sure he remembered _that_ detail.

Gina sighed. ‘We’ve all made mistakes. Even seemingly flawless individuals like me.’

‘Is it bad that this makes me wanna get with him _more_ than when you were telling me to ‘go get it girl’?’ said Jake, mostly just to wind her up.

‘Ugh, fine,’ said Gina. ‘Do what you want. But I’m not going to tell you what he’s like in bed.’

‘I didn’t ask,’ said Jake. Funnily enough, that was the sort of thing he preferred to find out for himself, rather than from the person in question’s stepsibling.

‘Good, because I’m not gonna tell you,’ said Gina. ‘Okay, Gina wisdom over.’

And with that, she walked out of the room, already looking at her phone. And Jake went to his desk, thinking that he had as much of Gina’s approval as he was going to get.

He still wasn’t sure what he was going to do. The last time he and Charles had hung out, Jake had talked about his dead wife, which was never a good segue into asking someone out.

The important thing was: he hadn’t cried. There was a time, not too long ago, that thinking about Amy for any period of time had made Jake cry. But he had kept a decent amount of composure, and had politely declined Charles’ offer of a ten-minute hug, even though hugging Charles for ten minutes had sounded pretty amazing.

It was ridiculous. He barely knew Charles. But Jake _wanted_ to know him, wanted to hang out with him and talk and learn every weird thing about him. It had been a long time since he’d felt like that about someone.

Jake had to work late, but Kevin had offered to pick Katie up from school. Jake was eternally grateful to have Holt and Kevin around as Katie’s honorary grandparents – eternally grateful to everyone who helped him out.

He ended up arriving at Holt and Kevin’s house at the same time as Holt, which he thought was hilarious, seeing as how they had just come from the same place.

‘Fancy seeing you here!’ he said. Holt didn’t dignify that with a response, just unlocked the door.

Katie immediately bounded into the hallways. ‘Hey, Dad!’

Kevin appeared behind her. ‘Jake,’ he said, with a nod. ‘Raymond.’ He was a weird dude.

‘Thank you, _a tonne_ ,’ Jake said.

‘Any time,’ said Kevin. ‘We had a marvellous time together – Katie has been teaching me about Star Wars, and we had a fascinating discussion about the Trojan war.’

‘Kevin knows _so much_ about ancient Greece!’ Katie said, in awe.

‘As does Katie. I fully expect to be reading her academic papers one day,’ said Kevin.

‘Nonsense,’ said Holt. ‘Katie is going to be a detective.’

‘I’m going to be a classicist _and_ a detective,’ said Katie. ‘And then I’ll be the best at both, especially if someone gets murdered with a sword or a spear because I’ll know all about those.’

‘Smort,’ said Jake. ‘Well, we’ll get out of your way. Thanks Kev, you’re the best!’

‘Please refrain from calling me that,’ Kevin said, mildly.

‘Bye, Kevin!’ Katie said. ‘Bye, Grandad!’

Holt had objected to being called ‘Grandad’ when Katie was born, but now he just smiled at her fondly. Jake took Katie home, and made them pasta for dinner. That, at least, was within his cooking abilities.

‘What do you think about Charles?’ Jake said, as they sat down to eat. His eight-year-old daughter probably wasn’t the _best_ source for romantic advice, but they were a team and Jake always made a point of talking to Katie before he made any big decisions. She was his favourite person in the world, and he valued her opinion.

‘I like him,’ she said. ‘He’s nice and his food is so. _Good_.’

‘Good, because that’s what I think too,’ said Jake.

Katie eyed him suspiciously. ‘Why did you ask me that?’

‘I think…’ Jake laughed, because he felt a bit ridiculous. ‘I have a crush on him. Is that silly?’

‘All crushes are silly,’ Katie said. ‘Everyone at school’s always talking about who likes who and it gets _so boring_. But you can tell me about your crushes, as long as you don’t do it _too_ much.’

‘Thank you,’ said Jake. He couldn’t wait to tease Katie about this conversation in a few years’ time.

‘So, the real question is,’ Katie said wisely, twirling spaghetti around her fork. ‘Are you gonna tell him?’

‘I don’t know,’ Jake admitted.

‘Because you’re worried he doesn’t like you back?’

 _Because I’m scared of screwing everything up. Because I’m scared I’ll never love anyone as much as I loved your mom. Because I’m scared I_ will _some someone as much as I loved her. Because I’m straight-up terrified, just generally._

‘Pretty much,’ he said.

‘Maybe you should ask him,’ Katie said. ‘And then if he likes you back you can kiss him.’

So Katie was giving him essentially the same advice as Gina. Coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool.

‘I just might do that,’ he said.

‘Not in front of me!’ Katie said, quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone's still reading after the last chapter, I hope you enjoyed this one!


	5. Beach House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is a very different beach house trip to the one in the show.

It was lucky that Nikolaj’s rivalry with Katie had turned into something resembling a friendship, because it gave Charles a reason to keep seeing Jake. By the time April turned into May, the two of them were firmly friends as well.

‘Hey, so me and my ex-wife have this shared beach house,’ Charles said to Jake one day, trying his hardest to sound casual. He wasn’t very _good_ with casual – whether it was beach house invitations, relationships, or clothes. It never felt quite right.

‘Nikolaj’s mom?’ said Jake.

‘Ah, no,’ said Charles. ‘We weren’t actually married. This is my ex-wife from before her.’

‘Cool.’ Jake nodded. ‘Coolcoolcoolcoolcool.’

‘Anyway,’ Charles continued. ‘We have this beach house – I usually only get it for the winter, but she’s letting me have it until the end of May this year because I let her use our old hairdresser. So I was _thinking_ … how about we take the kids out there? We could hang out, go to the beach… hang out.’

He trailed off, hoping he sounded normal and not like he was desperate to spend time with Jake.

‘That sounds great!’ said Jake, like he really meant it.

‘There’s a hot tub,’ Charles added.

‘Toit!’ said Jake. ‘I love hot tubs. There’s something so good about just sitting in hot water, you know?’

‘Like a lobster,’ said Charles. ‘Or like returning to the womb.’

‘Your brain works in such a weird way.’ Jake said it like it was a compliment, and Charles glowed at the praise.

They drove out to the beach house together, Charles’ car loaded with far more stuff than was probably necessary for one weekend. Jake sat in the passenger seat, making questionable choices about what music they should listen to.

‘ _Please_ no more Taylor Swift,’ Katie practically begged.

‘Aren’t eight-year-old girls, like, her target audience?’ said Jake. ‘I remember a lot of eight-year-old girls at that concert I went to.’

‘I want to listen to Panic! At the Disco,’ said Katie.

‘I think we should listen to show tunes,’ Nikolaj piped up.

And Charles just smiled and drove, and Jake put on ‘You Belong With Me’, and all four of them ended up singing along.

Katie’s pronouncement of the beach house was that it was ‘noice’. Jake’s was, ‘ooh, fancy’. Charles had made the right call about inviting them.

They walked down to the beach, and it was still too cold for swimming but the kids insisted on taking off their shoes and socks and wading into the sea. So of course Jake did it too, and Charles thought it was only fair to join in. The water was icy, lapping at the rolled-up cuffs of his pants.

‘Hey, do you guys see that?’ Jake said to the kids.

‘See what?’ said Nikolaj.

‘There it is again!’ said Jake, pointing at a nondescript point on the horizon. ‘A tentacle! I think it was…’ he gave a fake gasp. ‘The kraken!’

‘Oh jeez,’ said Katie. ‘Nikolaj! We left our swords back at the house!’

‘I guess it’s gonna eat you,’ said Nikolaj, like _what can you do._

‘Or,’ said Katie. ‘We could fight it with our _bare hands_!’

Charles met Jake’s gaze over the children’s heads, and they shared a smile. _How were we blessed with these wonderful tiny humans,_ it said. And then Katie kicked a spray of water all over Nikolaj, and he retaliated, and soon they were in a full-blown splash fight. And before long they were both complaining about being cold, so Charles and Jake took them back inside and found them a change of clothes.

After that, they turned the downstairs den into a ridiculously extravagant blanket fort, complete with almost all the pillows in the house. And they ate lunch, and they played board games, and Charles and Jake acted innocent when the kids accused them of letting them win. Katie orchestrated a game in which she was a cop, Nikolaj was a ‘bad guy’, and Charles and Jake were hostages, which mostly involved the two of them sitting in the den while the kids enacted a very intense sword fight.

‘You’re under arrest!’ Katie kept yelling.

‘Never!’ Nikolaj yelled back. ‘I’m going to take my stolen one billion dollars and spend it all at the farmers’ market, and you can’t stop me!’

‘Yippee kayak, motherforker!’ Katie shouted, slashing at Nikolaj with her lightsabre.

‘I censor my Die Hard quotes around her,’ Jake explained, keeping his voice low. ‘But she could _at least_ get ‘yippee ki yay’ right.’

‘What an outrage,’ said Charles.

The day slid towards its close with the kids sitting on the living room floor, binge watching Horrible Histories. Both of them knew all the lyrics to the songs, as well as an almost alarming number of the words of sketches.

‘Beer?’ Charles said to Jake.

‘Heck yes,’ said Jake. He was leaning against the kitchen counter with the sleeves of his flannel shirt rolled up to his elbows, which was unfairly sexy. Charles distracted himself by uncapping two bottles of beer, and when he turned back Jake was gazing into the living room where the kids were.

‘I’m glad those two are friends now,’ Charles said.

‘Me too,’ said Jake. ‘All it took was realising that they’re both _massive_ nerds.’

 

Eventually the kids started getting sleepy, and Charles and Jake put them to bed in the downstairs blanket fort before retreating up to the living room to open more drinks.

‘Thanks for inviting us here,’ Jake said.

‘It’s no problem,’ said Charles, settling on the couch beside Jake. ‘Katie’s such a sweet kid.’

Jake smiled. ‘I worry about her so much,’ he admitted. ‘We’ve got a great support network, but that’s not the same as her having a mom. Her mom was the best person in the _world_.’

He got this look on his face when he talked about Amy: sad and nostalgic all at once. And if things had been different – if Jake had just been divorced – Charles might have been jealous. But, as it was, he found he didn’t mind hearing about Jake’s wife.

‘And my dad was crappy,’ Jake continued. ‘So I’m constantly worried I’m gonna mess her up even a little bit, like how he messed me up. And I just… I don’t really know what I’m doing.’

‘I get it,’ said Charles. ‘But to be clear, I think you’re doing a pretty amazing job at raising Katie.’

‘You’re way too nice,’ said Jake.

Charles raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. ‘I’m just being honest.’

Jake shook his head, but he was smiling. ‘ _Way_ too nice. If I’m such a great dad, then how come we met because our kids were in trouble?’

‘I thought you were a bad influence,’ Charles admitted. ‘I was mad that you were so attractive.’

He covered his mouth – he hadn’t meant for that to slip out. The beer must have been getting to him. But Jake didn’t look surprised or even confused, just smiling at nothing.

‘Can I tell you something else?’ Jake said.

‘Definitely,’ said Charles. ‘I will take everything you have to give me.’

‘Weird way of phrasing that, but okay,’ said Jake. He draped on arm along the back of the couch, behind Charles’ shoulders. Charles was very aware of it.

‘Seriously,’ said Charles. ‘You don’t have to worry about telling me things.’

‘Me and Amy had a structured debate about whether to have kids. I didn’t… I didn’t think I wanted them. Which is crazy now, because I love Katie _so much_. I don’t know what I’d do without her.’

‘See?’ said Charles. ‘Didn’t I say you were a great dad? That’s a great-dad way to feel.’

And Jake chuckled, and relaxed against the couch in a way that brought him closer to Charles.

‘You really are too nice,’ Jake said. He licked his lips. Up close, he was even prettier than he was at a distance.

‘I’m a chronic people-pleaser,’ Charles admitted. ‘But I swear, when it comes to you, it’s all true.’

They both leant in at the same time. Charles’ heart was in his throat, because _this was happening_. But his lips barely brushed Jake’s before Jake was jerking backwards.

 ‘I’m so sorry,’ said Charles, retreating to a safe distance.

‘Ugh, no, _I’m_ sorry,’ said Jake. He scrubbed a hand through his hair. ‘I really wanted to… I just, I panicked.’ He screwed up his face, all pain and anger.

‘Hey,’ Charles said, softly. ‘It’s okay. Talk to me.’

‘It’s just…’ said Jake. ‘I haven’t dated anyone since Amy died. I tried to, a couple of years ago. My ex came back into my life, and after that didn’t work out I tried a couple of tinder dates but… it all went badly. I never got past the first date, and I always ended those feeling terrible. I’m so sorry.’

‘You don’t need to say sorry,’ Charles said. He held his hand out, palm upwards, and Jake took it cautiously. His hand was warm and solid against Charles’. ‘I know I don’t know exactly how you’re feeling, but I’m trying to understand.’

‘See!’ said Jake, his brow still creased with anguish. ‘Too nice!’

Charles squeezed his hand. ‘I really like you,’ he said.

‘I really like you too.’ Jake looked down at their clasped hands. ‘But I… I don’t even know if I remember how to be with someone who’s not Amy.’

‘That’s okay,’ said Charles, trying to keep his voice free of even a trace of disappointment.

‘But I _want_ to,’ said Jake. ‘I really want to. With you.’

‘Jakey,’ Charles said, barely registering the endearment slipping from him. ‘Look at me.’ Jake did, reluctantly. ‘It’s okay,’ Charles said. ‘It’s fine if you don’t want to french right away-’

‘Who says _french_?’ Jake said, cracking up. It was so good to see him smiling, to see the weight of his grief lifting again.

‘It’s fine,’ Charles continued. ‘We can take things at whatever pace you’re comfortable with.’

‘Thank you,’ said Jake. ‘And for the record, I do want to french you. I just… need a bit of time to get used to this.’

‘You can take as much time as you need,’ said Charles.

‘I like the ‘holding hands’ thing,’ said Jake.

‘We should do it more often.’

‘Maybe we could hang out without the kids sometime,’ Jake said.

‘I’d like that,’ said Charles.

He had never been any good at casual – never any good at taking things slow. But if that was what Jake needed, that was what he would do. Because, he was realising, there wasn’t a lot he wouldn’t do for Jake.


	6. The Nine-Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles visits Jake at his workplace, and they have their first child-free date.

Jake’s first thought when he woke up was, _oh my god, I really did that._ Even after all his advice from both Gina and Katie, he hadn’t expected to actually ‘go get it, girl’. Although, he reflected, holding hands with someone, flinching away from a kiss, and talking about your dead wife probably wasn’t what people meant by that.

But things had changed between him and Charles. When Jake walked into the kitchen, Charles was making breakfast for the kids, but he looked up and Jake and gave him a smile that was so hopeful it was almost nervous.

‘Hey,’ said Jake, smiling back. For a moment he wished that they could be alone together, that they could acknowledge what had happened last night. That they could hold hands some more.

But then Katie said, ‘Charles is making _pancakes_!’ and Jake thought he wouldn’t change a thing.

‘Want some?’ said Charles.

Jake slid into the seat beside Katie. ‘Uh, _yeah_.’

He kept on looking at Charles’ lips and thinking about kissing him. He really _had_ wanted to the night before, but all his stupid feelings had gotten in the way.

It had been seven years since Amy had died: long enough that Jake could have crushes on people without feeling like he was betraying her. But when it came to acting on those feelings, to actually _doing_ something, he freaked out. And it was super frustrating, because Jake _wanted_ to kiss Charles. He wanted so much more than that. He just needed to get his brain to cooperate.

There were more games that morning, and then the deconstruction of the blanket fort, and then the drive back to Brooklyn. When Charles dropped Jake and Katie off at their apartment, he said, ‘I’ll text you?’

‘You know it,’ said Jake.

 

Charles left the food truck at three o’clock, by which time the lunchtime rush had died down and he felt justified in taking a break. It had been hard to focus anyway, knowing that his and Jake’s first time hanging out kid-free was approaching. Their first _date_.

‘I’m here to see Detective Peralta,’ Charles said to the precinct’s receptionist, feeling very cool.

‘Third floor,’ she said. ‘Talk to Gina Linetti on admin if you get lost. Or don’t, she’s not very helpful.’

Charles laughed at that, because he knew all too well what Gina was like. He took the elevator up to the third floor, where it opened on to a room full of people, none of which was Jake. It was all activity, all chatter and the whirring of photocopiers, and a scruffy man in handcuffs glowering at him.

‘What are you doing here?’ Gina yelled at him from across the room.

Charles made his way over to her. ‘I’m looking for Jake,’ he said. ‘I’m taking him out to lunch.’

‘Gross,’ said Gina. ‘I don’t need details of your personal life.’

‘I just said-’ Charles started, but Gina was already shouting across the room at someone else.

‘Hey, Rosa! Where’s Jake at?’

A woman dressed all in black strode over to them. She looked at Charles suspiciously. ‘You’re Charles?’

‘Yes?’ said Charles.

‘We need to talk,’ said Rosa. She grabbed Charles by the wrist, her fingers hard and tight as a vice, and dragged him down the corridor and into an empty room.

It was small and dark, containing only a table and a mirror on the wall. An interrogation room, Charles realised. Was he about to be interrogated?

Rosa slammed her hands down on the table. ‘What’s the deal with you and Jake?’ she barked.

Charles flinched backwards, his heart pounding. He was definitely being interrogated.

‘We’re just…’ he floundered. Why did she have to ask him such a hard question? And why did she have to be so _scary_? ‘I’m taking him for lunch?’ he said, his voice coming out squeaky.

‘Listen to me,’ said Rosa. ‘Jake’s been through a lot of shit. So if you do anything – _anything_ – to hurt him, I am going to beat the shit out of you.’

The door opened then, and Gina leant casually against the doorframe with the corridor’s light glowing around her.

‘Ro-ro, are you threatening Charles without me?’ she said.

Rosa looked slightly abashed. ‘I’m just helping Jake.’

Charles’ breathing and heartrate were only just returning to normal.

‘Come on,’ said Gina. ‘I found him for you.’

‘Thanks,’ said Charles, meaning _thanks for saving me from your terrifying coworker._ But then he mustered his courage, turned back to Rosa and said, ‘For the record, I’m not going to hurt Jake. You would be fully justified in beating me up if I did.’

Rosa nodded at him, like she approved. Charles followed Gina back down the corridor, and this time Jake was there, thank goodness.

‘Hey,’ said Jake, warmly. ‘Guys, this is Charles.’

‘Yep. We met,’ said Rosa.

Jake looked at her suspiciously. ‘And you and I will be talking about that later.’

Two older guys popped up behind Jake.

‘Did you make a new friend?’ said the one with the flat-top. ‘I thought _I_ was your best friend.’

‘What?’ said Jake, his face crinkling up adorably. ‘Scully, we’ve never been friends.’

‘So rude!’ said the bald one. He looked at Charles. ‘Don’t be friends with him, he’s a traitor.’

‘Aaand, now you’ve met Scully and Hitchcock,’ said Jake. ‘Which I did not intend to happen. I’m so sorry.’

‘Everyone stop harassing Jake and his new… _friend_ ,’ said a big guy in a pink shirt, getting up from his desk. He held out a hand to Charles, and when they shook hands it was like a vice. ‘Sergeant Terry Jeffords.’

‘Charles Boyle,’ said Charles, relieved to be meeting someone in a relatively normal way. He seemed familiar though. ‘Do I know you from somewhere?’

‘Do you go to the farmers’ market?’ Terry said.

‘That’s it!’ said Charles. ‘Have you ever tried the German sausage that the Joneses make? It is to die for.’

‘Yes! Terry _loves_ German sausage.’

And he and Terry chatted about produce for a while, before Jake said, ‘Well, this has been great and everyone has done a terrible job of not making a big deal out of it, but me and Charles are going for lunch now.’

‘Nice to meet you all!’ Charles said, politely.

Jake took Charles by the hand, lacing their fingers together. ‘C’mon.’ They walked to the elevator together.

‘Sorry about that,’ Jake said, when they got outside.

‘It’s okay,’ said Charles. ‘Well, Rosa was a bit terrifying. But she was just looking out for you – I think it’s sweet.’

Jake laughed. ‘Yeah, those guys… they’re like my family, you know? They were all there for me and Katie after… you know.’

‘They sound great.’ It was hard to feel anything other than delighted with the sun shining and Jake’s hand in his. ‘Do they… know what’s going on with us?’

‘I didn’t tell anyone except Gina,’ said Jake. ‘But they’re pretty good at figuring thigs out.’

‘I guess that’s the downside to having detectives for friends.’

‘You didn’t even meet Captain Holt yet,’ said Jake. ‘He’s amazing. He’s my honorary dad. So I guess it’s good you didn’t meet him yet. By the way, where are you taking me?’

Charles looked up at him mischievously. ‘We’re checking out the competition.’

They rounded the corner onto a street with a few different food trucks parked on it. Two Mexican, one Middle Eastern, all three highly rated.

Jake let out one of the over-dramatic gasps he was so fond of. ‘Can we have fake names?’

‘Ooh, like we’re going undercover?’ said Charles. ‘I love it!’

‘Exactly!’ said Jake. ‘One time I went undercover in the mafia, and they wouldn’t let me use a fake name – I just had to be me. But I got to have stupid slicked-back hair and wear velvet tracksuits, it was awesome. Okay, okay, my name is Ivan Powers: food critic and motorcycle stuntman.’

‘Nice!’ said Charles. ‘My name is… Fred Champagne.’

‘Coolcoolcool,’ said Jake. ‘Fancy.’

‘And I’m on a date with you,’ Charles added.

Jake grinned. ‘That part’s real.’ And Charles grinned back at him, once again getting lost in it.

‘Which food truck do you wanna go to?’ he said, when he remembered what they were supposed to be doing.

‘All of them!’ said Jake. They went up to the nearest one, and Jake said, ‘Me and my date Fred here would like to purchase your finest tacos, please.’

They had a veritable feast of tacos and nachos and kebabs, and they made jokes and talked about food trucks and undercover work and action movies, and afterwards they walked the long way back to the precinct so that they could spend more time together.

‘That was _toit_ ,’ said Jake.

‘It really was,’ said Charles. He felt buoyed-up by first date energy. ‘When can I see you again?’

‘Whenever you want,’ said Jake.

And then Jake kissed him. It was nothing but a peck, a light brush of his lips. But it was something, and Charles couldn’t stop beaming.

‘See you around,’ said Jake. He held Charles’ hand even as he stepped away, only letting it drop at the last moment.

‘Bye.’

It was only afterwards that Charles realised they hadn’t mentioned their children - or Jake’s wife -since leaving the precinct.


	7. Don't Let the Good Life Pass You By

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake visits Charles at his workplace, and has some Feelings about their developing relationship.
> 
> There are some minor references to self-harm in this chapter.

At ten thirty, Charles texted to say goodnight. Since their first official date a few weeks ago, he had been sending Jake texts at every opportunity, including to say good morning and goodnight. Sometimes they would be part of an actual conversation, but a lot of them were things like ‘I just saw a really nice dog!’

It was completely ridiculous. And Jake loved it. Every text had him smiling stupidly at his phone, feeling like a teenager falling in love for the first time.

 **Jake** : Goodnight!

He climbed into bed, glancing automatically at the photo on his nightstand. It had sat there for years, starting as a cute little decoration that had very quickly become something much more important.

It had been taken at Shaw’s one evening after work: Jake in a plaid shirt and Amy in uniform. He had his arm around her, but at the moment the photo was taken she had twisted around to look up at him with her face full of something close to adoration.

‘Gina knows I’m pregnant,’ she had said to him, later that night.

‘You told her?’ Jake had frowned, because Amy had been so insistent on not telling anyone until the end of her first trimester.

‘She guessed,’ Amy said. ‘She noticed I wasn’t drinking.’

It was weird to think back on now. Katie hadn’t been much more than an idea, an unnamed cluster of cells. And now she was a _person_ – a person with Amy’s eyes and Jake’s nose and a passion for history and a thousand details and quirks that made her so completely her own person.

Jake had never had strong beliefs about an afterlife or lack thereof, but he hoped that somehow Amy could see the person that their daughter had grown into. And he hoped she approved of his parenting.

 _You’re a good dad,_ Charles had said. Jake wanted so badly to believe him.

And what would Amy think about _Charles_? Jake hoped she would approve of him, approve of Jake finding something new that made him happy. He hated not knowing, though. Hated that he was in this situation in the first place, that he was gazing at an eight-year-old photo of Amy rather than having her in bed beside him.

And he hated that Charles made him so happy, when he was only with Charles because they were living in an Amy-free world. He rolled over and let out a frustrated groan into his pillow. How could he be so happy getting into a stupid new relationship, when he had been with the best person in the _world_? How could he go on stupid dates and have fun and send goodnight texts, when the only reason it was happening was that his wife was fucking _dead_?

He got out of bed then, full of aimless energy. He paced around the room, pressed the heals of his palms into his head, almost punched a wall but stopped himself. His face was wet with tears, but he didn’t bother to wipe them away.

‘Get your shit together, Jake,’ he said out loud. He took a deep breath. ‘Right, coolcoolcool, getting it together. No doubt, no doubt.’

A few years ago, this would have ended differently. It would have ended with him crying on the phone to Gina or Rosa or his mom. It would have ended with him staying up all night to work on a case, and falling asleep on his desk at work the next day. It would have ended with him punching something and making his knuckles bleed.

But it had been seven years since Amy died. Seven years of therapy and support and coping mechanisms. And it was going to be okay, _he_ was going to be okay, and he needed to sleep so he could spend the next day with his daughter like a functioning person.

He wiped the tears off his face. Set a reminder on his phone to make an appointment with his therapist. _Breathed_.

Jake crawled back into bed, turning off his lamp without looking at the photo on the nightstand. It was going to be okay. He was going to spend the next day with Katie, and they were going to be _fine_.

 

Jake woke up feeling groggy, but normal. The turmoil of the night before had faded.

 **Jake** : Morning!

 **Charles** : Good morning to you too x

 **Charles** : Just heading over now!

It was a Saturday, and Jake had the day off. Charles had to work at the food truck, which sucked because Jake wanted to see him, but he was nonetheless excited about spending the day with Katie and Nikolaj.

When Charles dropped Nikolaj off, the two kids immediately disappeared into Katie’s bedroom, already talking a mile a minute.

‘Thank you so much for having him,’ Charles said. ‘Normally he sees his mom on Saturdays but she’s at some art conference this week.’

‘It’s no problem,’ said Jake.

‘I’ve gotta go,’ Charles said, regretfully. ‘But I’ll see you soon.’

Jake kissed him quickly. They still hadn’t gone any farther than that, but he looked forward to the kisses they snuck in when the kids were in other rooms.

‘See you,’ said Jake.

He took the kids swimming, which mostly involved him umpiring races between the two of them. Afterwards, all of them damp and smelling of chlorine, they decided that they were hungry.

‘What do you guys wanna get?’ Jake said. And then, ‘Wait, I have an idea!’ He couldn’t believe he hadn’t done it before, actually, considering how often it had been mentioned.

The food truck was outside a park, full of families milling around in the June sun. As they approached, the scent of bacon and french fries grew stronger.

‘My grandma could toast a bun better than that!’ Charles snapped at a girl with braids and an apron. When he saw Jake and the kid, his face softened immediately. ‘Hey! What are my favourite people doing here?’

‘Watching you yell at your employees, apparently?’ said Jake. He was a little disconcerted – Charles didn’t seem the yelling type.

‘Oh, it’s nothing,’ the girl said, cheerfully. ‘He’s just very passionate about food. Helps us stay motivated.’

‘Hi, Papa!’ Nikolaj said. ‘Hi, Janelle! I love you!’

‘Love you too,’ said the girl. ‘Oh, and these buns are _fine_ , Charles, so you’d better get filling them.’

Charles grinned at Jake. ‘Time to put some meat in some buns!’ Jake cracked up, and Charles, Katie and Nikolaj all frowned at him.

‘Can I take your order?’ said Janelle.

‘Right, yes, order,’ said Jake, trying to stop laughing. He looked at the menu, which was a hand-written wooden board. ‘Hey, Charles, what do you recommend?’

‘Italian burgers all ‘round, one portion of cheese fries, one loaded fries with all the toppings,’ said Charles.

‘Dang, why did we never come here before?’ said Katie.

Jake went to pay, but Charles waved him away. ‘This is on the house.’

The food was, of course, incredible. They ate at a cluster of picnic tables a little way away, but close enough that Jake could see Charles glancing over at them every now and then. It was warm and bright, a world away from the dimly-lit anxiety of the night before.

‘I’ve decided,’ Katie said to Nikolaj, ‘that I want to eat your dad’s food every day forever.’

‘That’s a bad idea,’ he said. ‘The fries and stuff are good, but he makes super weird stuff sometimes! All this fish and spicy stuff and things I can’t pronounce. He always says he wants me to have a ‘sophisticate palette’. I like it when I go to my mom’s house and we have normal food.’

‘Yeah, okay, I just wanna eat _this_ food every day forever,’ Katie amended.

Nikolaj seemed to accept this as a valid conclusion, and the conversation quickly turned into a rapid-fire discussion of Ancient Greece that Jake couldn’t keep up with. He just enjoyed listening to them, and thought that he _also_ wanted to eat Charles’ food every day forever.

The lady at the next table kept looking at them fondly, and she smiled when she saw Jake looking at her.

‘Your kids are adorable,’ she said. She had greying hair and a wistful look in her eyes.

He should probably have replied with something like _oh, only this one’s mine._ But instead he found himself saying, ‘Thank you. I think so too.’

‘Enjoy this age while you have the chance!’ she said. ‘My youngest can’t stand to be seen with me and my oldest’s off to college in the fall.’

‘Noted,’ said Jake. He imagined Katie in ten years’ time, going to college to study classics or history or something else entirely. It felt like a long way away.

The lady turned back to her book, and Jake turned back to the kids and thought about how she had assumed they were a family, and he hadn’t told her she was wrong.


	8. You, Me, Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles joins the squad for drinks at Shaw's.

‘I told Rosa not to threaten you anymore,’ Jake said as they walked towards the bar. ‘But I don’t know if I can promise anything.’

‘It’s fine,’ Charles said. ‘I can just talk to Terry about the farmers’ market.’

‘Perfect.’ Jake squeezed his hand. ‘Ooh, do you know anything about yoghurt? Terry _loves_ yoghurt.’

‘I do!’ said Charles. ‘I make my own yoghurt sometimes! The most important part is using the right bacteria.’

‘Cool, bacteria, coolcoolcoolcool,’ said Jake. ‘Terry’s gonna love it.’

Both of them had hired babysitters for the evening, so that they could go for a drink with Jake’s work friends. It had been a while since Charles had done anything that required a babysitter, but Nikolaj had been delighted to spend the evening with Janelle from the food truck.

They were going to the squad’s regular bar, and Charles was feeling a little apprehensive about it. Sitting with Jake and all his friends. Sitting where _Amy_ used to sit.

When they walked into the bar, Jake squeezed Charles’ hand again. It was solid and comforting, and he wished he could hold hands with Jake for the rest of the night. They found the rest of the squad around a table – Gina looking bored, Rosa looking scary, Terry looking happy to see them, and Hitchcock and Scully sitting apart and having a heated conversation about hot sauce.

‘Hey, guys!’ said Terry. ‘Nice to see you again, Charles!’

And Charles smiled nervously around at all of them, before sinking into the empty seat beside Gina.

‘Hey, Gina.’ He kissed her on the cheek.

‘I don’t know this man,’ Gina said.

A man in uniform came back from the bar with an impassive expression and a tray of drinks, which he set down on the table.

‘Captain!’ Jake’s cheerful sing-song voice betrayed a hint of nerves. ‘This is Charles. He’s my boyfriend. We’re dating.’ He glanced at Charles, smiling proudly.

‘Hi,’ Charles jumped up and held out a hand to shake. ‘Sir,’ he added.

‘Hello,’ said Holt, his face impassive as he shook Charles’ hand. ‘Peralta neglected to inform me that we had already met.’

‘What?’ said Jake.

‘At the _wedding_ ,’ Charles remembered. ‘You said that love was like oatmeal!’

‘I did,’ said Holt. He smiled – just barely, but Charles got the feeling he was pleased someone had remembered.

‘Hey, if you like oatmeal, I know some great recipes!’ Charles said.

‘I only eat oatmeal… plain,’ said Holt.

‘What?’ Jake said again.

‘The captain officiated our parents’ wedding,’ Gina said.

‘Oh,’ said Jake. ‘Uh-huh, no doubt, no doubt. Wedding, coolcoolcool. So anyway, why don’t you all let Charles tell you about yoghurt bacteria?’

‘Tell Terry,’ Rosa said. ‘Terry loves yoghurt.’

‘That’s what Jake said,’ said Charles.

‘You’re all stealing Terry’s catchphrase!’ said Terry.

And they laughed, and they talked, and they drank, and Charles almost didn’t have time to wonder what had happened with Jake at his and Gina’s parents’ wedding. He never had looked at those photos – he’d forgotten, what with everything else going on.

Soon they were getting another round of drinks in, and then another.

‘Remember how Amy used to start dancing after three drinks?’ Gina said, wistfully. ‘She was really bad at it.’

‘God I miss that terrible dancing,’ said Rosa.

‘And Four Drink Amy was a perv,’ Gina added. ‘But in a fun way.’

‘We had four drinks on our first date,’ Jake said. ‘If ya know what I mean. We had sex, that’s what I mean.’

Gina said, ‘Gross,’ at the same time as Rosa said, ‘Nice.’

‘Sargant Santiago was also very intelligent and hardworking,’ Holt said.

‘Sure was,’ said Jake.

‘Although she could be unprofessional at times,’ Holt added.

Jake smiled sadly. ‘She would be so outraged to hear you say that.’

‘It sounds like she was awesome,’ said Charles.

‘She was,’ said Gina. ‘You’ve got some big, ugly, sensible shoes to fill.’

‘Hey, stop that,’ said Jake. ‘Talking about Amy is one thing, but don’t go putting pressure on Charles like that. We’ve only been together, like, a month, anyway.’

Right. Only a month. Was it bad that Charles hadn’t had a problem with the idea of filling Amy’s shoes?

It probably was. Charles had been broken up with by literally hundreds of people, and usually it was because he was moving too fast. (Occasionally it was because he asked to shampoo their hair or made an anniversary meal that included offal, but those were outliers.) With Jake, he constantly had to remind himself to slow down, to give Jake the time he needed to adjust to their relationship.

‘To Amy,’ said Gina, raising her glass.

‘To Amy.’

 

Charles walked Jake home afterwards, like they were on a proper old-fashioned date. Because Charles was a sucker for things like that, and because neither of them wanted to say goodbye just yet.

‘Come in,’ said Jake, when they got to his apartment building. ‘We could have another drink?’

That suited Charles perfectly, so he went up to Jake’s apartment with him and stood their feeling weirdly self-conscious as Jake paid the babysitter.

The living room was a mess as usual, haphazardly decorated and cluttered with toys. There was a basketball hoop on one bare-brick wall. Beside it – dangerously close to it, actually – was a framed photo of Jake and a dark-haired woman, both of them gazing adoringly at the baby in her arms.

‘Hey,’ said Jake, his hand brushing feather-light over the back of Charles’ arm. ‘Want a drink?’

Charles looked away from the photo. Jake must have seen him looking at it, but neither of them mentioned it. ‘Sure.’

‘So what did you think of the squad?’ Jake said, going into the kitchen.

‘I think they’re amazing,’ Charles said. ‘Do you think they like me?’

‘Absolutely,’ Jake said. He came back with two beers, and sank onto the couch.

Charles sat next to him, and they talked for a while. And maybe it was because he was a little bit drunk, or maybe it was the way Jake was looking at him, or maybe it was his natural inclination to move quickly and fall hard. Whatever it was, Charles found himself saying, ‘Can I kiss you?’

‘Yep,’ said Jake, putting his drink down on the floor. And he leant in, and Charles titled his face up, and they were kissing.

This was more than just a peck. Jake’s mouth was warm and pliable against his own, and he tasted like beer and affection. He brought a hand up to cup Charles’ face, and Charles moved one of his to Jake’s back and felt the heat of his body radiating through his flannel shirt.

‘Is this okay?’ he murmured, his lips just barely leaving Jake’s.

‘Yeah,’ Jake said, his voice low. He claimed Charles’ mouth in another kiss, this one a little harder, a little deeper. Charles pulled him closer, gave in to the urge to run a hand through Jake’s hair. And Jake kept letting out these little sighs in between kisses, which were all at once cute and thoroughly arousing. Encouraged by the fact that Jake wasn’t freaking out, Charles sucked his lower lip into his mouth, enjoying the hum of approval it drew from him.

At some point they slid down on the couch, Charles awkwardly pressed against the arm with Jake half on top of him. It wasn’t much: just their chests pressed together, Jake’s hand under Charles’ back. But it felt like a lot: it felt like opening up to each other. Like Jake was letting Charles into his life, firmly and irrevocably.

And Jake was a fantastic kisser, which wasn’t exactly unexpected but was amazing anyway. His kisses were gentle but increasingly urgent, his every movement confirming that he wanted this.

‘You’re amazing,’ Charles said after a while, because it was _true_. Jake laughed, and Charles slid further down so that he was lying on the couch properly, and Jake curled against his side with his head on his chest.

‘You don’t mind if we leave it for now, do you?’ said Jake.

‘Of course I don’t mind,’ Charles said. He liked the feeling of Jake in his arms, the weight of Jake against him. ‘You don’t have to worry about that. I should probably get home soon, anyway.’

‘Aww.’ Jake kissed his cheek. ‘I’m gonna miss you.’

Charles laughed. ‘You seem like you could use some sleep.’

‘Pssh,’ said Jake. ‘Who needs sleep?’ And then he ruined the effect by yawning.

Charles wished he could stay there forever with Jake pressed into his side, but he needed to relieve his own babysitter. ‘I’ll see you soon,’ he said, and kissed Jake again.

‘Bye,’ said Jake. He looked so cute, all sleepy eyes and swollen pink lips.

And suddenly the words _I love you_ were on the tip of Charles’ tongue. It took more self-restraint than he’d known he had to stop himself from saying them, from ruining everything good that had happened tonight.

He stood up. Bit his lip, forced the words to the back of his mind. He could _not_ afford to move too quickly with Jake.

‘Bye,’ he said.


	9. Chasing Amy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake and Katie celebrate Amy's birthday together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favourite chapter so far. Hope you enjoy it!

Jake always made a point of celebrating Amy’s birthday. He tried not to think about how old she would be, what they’d be doing if she was still here. But he wanted them to celebrate it, wanted to give Katie and opportunity to connect with the mom she hadn’t got to know properly.

He left work early – Terry and Holt were always understanding about days like this, and he took so little time off that it was never really an issue – and picked Katie up from school. They ran into Nikolaj’s mom, a lady with red-brown hair who said, ‘Oh, you must be Jake, I’ve heard a lot about you.’

‘From Charles?’ Jake said.

She smiled. ‘Mostly from Nikolaj, actually.’

Jake didn’t really know what to make of that, especially when he was so caught up in Amy’s birthday thoughts.

‘How was school?’ he asked Katie, as she buckled herself into the backseat of his car.

‘It was fine,’ she said. ‘Kind of boring. Miss Jenkins told us some wrong stuff about gladiators and then got annoyed when I told her. But what was I meant to do? She was _wrong_?’

‘Cool, cool, good stuff,’ Jake said. Knowing more than the teacher? Very Amy. Disregard for authority? Hella Jake. ‘Right, time to celebrate your mom’s birthday.’

The first thing they did was visit the grave. Katie usually resisted holding hands, but she slipped her hand into Jake’s as they walked through the cemetery. He squeezed it, to comfort himself as much as her.

It was sunny – too sunny. The cemetery was quiet; Jake and Katie were practically the only people there. They stood in silence, both of them gazing at the headstone for a while.

‘Graves are weird,’ said Katie. ‘Don’t you think that?’

‘I sure do, kiddo,’ Jake said. He put down the flowers he was holding.

It was part of their tradition. Coming here seemed like the right thing to do. But Jake couldn’t feel Amy here, couldn’t hold on to the memory of her the way he could when he was immersed in her things and in photos of her. And how was Katie supposed to connect with her here, when Katie had no memory of her at all?

So they went home, and moved on to the most important part of the Amy’s birthday traditions, which involved them taking out a box full of her old stuff and going through it piece by piece. The marriage certificate. Amy’s police badge. A ring box containing her engagement ring, and a wedding band that matched the one still on Jake’s finger. Printed itineraries for vacations and date nights.

‘She really liked planning stuff,’ Katie observed.

‘She really did,’ said Jake, peering over Katie’s shoulder to make sure there was nothing sexy on the itinerary she was looking at. ‘She was the biggest nerd I’ve ever met.’

‘Tell me more about her?’

Jake took out the next thing in the box – a flashlight with a magnetic shoulder clip – and turned it in his hands. ‘She was super smart. She would have been _hecka_ proud of how smart you are. And she was the best detective in the squad -way better than me.’

He told Katie about the bet he and Amy had, how it had led to that stupid date and that perfect night on that rooftop. How it had led to their relationship, not so long afterwards. ‘I should take you to that roof sometime,’ he said.

Katie had heard most of his stories before, but she listened and she asked questions, and she didn’t even go off on any tangents about ancient history. And it would never be the same for her as it was for Jake, because she could never really know what she was missing out on, but this was the best shot Jake had at forging a connection between Katie and her mother.

He kept talking as they went through the rest of the box. There was her fountain pen – ‘She always said that pen was her best friend,’ Jake said – and her ridiculously huge glasses, and a paper umbrella out of a coconut drink from their honeymoon. There was an envelope with _Amy Peralta Amy Santiago-Peralta Sargant Amy Santiago-Peralta Captain Amy Santiago-Peralta_ on the back in Amy’s handwriting, and, stuffed guilty into the corner, _Mr and Mrs J Peralta_. There was a DVD case with the words _Jake and Amy’s sex tape_ scrawled on it, which actually contained shaky phone footage of their wedding, but Jake shoved it out of sight anyway.

After a while, Katie got quiet. She kept looking through the stuff now spread out around them on the floor, picking things up and then putting them down again. Jake just watched her, watched the subtle traces of Amy in the shape of her eyes and the dark brown of her hair, and for the millionth time wished that Katie hadn’t had to grow up without a mother.

‘Okay,’ said Katie. ‘I think we’re done with this now.’ Which Jake knew meant _I’m feeling tired and overwhelmed and full of complicated emotions._

‘I think you’re right,’ he said. And then Katie hugged him, tight, and Jake buried his face in her curls.

The last part of the ritual was ordering take-out – an homage to Amy’s terrible cooking, and the amount they used to order out when they were together. So they got Chinese food, and Jake tried to lighten the mood and talk about normal stuff, because he figured it was what Katie needed. He asked her some stuff about Ancient Greece, and she tested him on Spanish vocab, which she knew a lot more of than him.

‘Can I ask you a question?’ she said, suddenly.

‘Shoot.’

‘You’re dating Charles, right?’

‘Yep,’ said Jake. It was weird, thinking about Charles again after spending the last few hours immersed in the past. And it was strange that it felt weird, because not long ago Jake wouldn’t have allowed someone like Charles to distract him from what he used to have.

‘Does that mean you’re gay?’ said Katie. ‘Like Grandad and Kevin?’

Jake thought about it for a moment. ‘Sort of. I’m bi – do you know what that means?’

‘Maybe,’ said Katie, in the way that meant she didn’t know but didn’t want to admit it.

‘It means I can date guys _or_ girls,’ Jake said.

‘Like Rosa?’ Katie said.

‘Exactly.’

‘Okay,’ said Katie. And then, after a moment, ‘What am I?’

‘I don’t know, kiddo,’ said Jake. ‘Most people don’t know when they’re your age. But you’ll figure it out, even if it’s not until you’re grown up.’

‘Okay,’ said Katie.

‘Do you have any more questions?’

‘Yes,’ said Katie. ‘Can I watch Horrible Histories?’

Jake laughed. ‘Yes, watch all the Horrible Histories you want. I’ma join you in a minute.’

He took their empty plates to the sink and then wandered into his room, sat on the edge of his bed. He twisted his wedding ring round on his finger. It had never occurred to him to take it off before, even when he was trying to date around.

He was always going to be Amy’s husband – screw that ‘until death do us part’ bullshit. He was always going to love her, always going to miss her. But, as people kept telling him, that didn’t mean he couldn’t keep living his life.

Jake looked at the picture of Amy on his nightstand. ‘I hope you’re rooting for us.’

He slipped his ring off, and added it to Amy’s box.


	10. Time for Gina's Opinion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles talks to Gina and reflects on his history with her. Unsolicited opinions are offered.

By July, Jake and Charles had stopped saying things like, ‘When will I see you again?’ and had started saying things like, ‘So, what are we doing this weekend?’. It was still difficult with their jobs, but they made use of their evenings and days off.

‘We’re seeing them _again_?’ Katie had asked one day, when Jake mentioned seeing Charles and Nikolaj.

Jake laughed. ‘Is that not okay?’

‘We see them all the time,’ Katie said. ‘Me and Nikolaj are gonna run out of things to do together. I probably need some new video games, or we’re gonna get _super_ bored.’

‘Oh, I get it,’ said Jake. ‘This was all a ploy to get new video games!’

‘I’m just stating the facts here,’ Katie said, with an exaggerated shrug and the cutest look of mock-innocence.

‘Well, you’ve only got to put up with them for a few more weeks and then you’ve got camp,’ Jake reminded her.

‘You’re right!’ Katie said. ‘It’s gonna be awesome!’

‘It sure is,’ Jake said, thinking about the time he would have alone with Charles when both of the kids were out of the way. Katie was the most important person in the world – and he enjoyed having Nikolaj around as well – but he was excited to have some time just for him and Charles.

Because it was _so good_ , dating him, at least when Jake managed to push his guilt and anxieties to the side. It felt like starting over. Like being a teenager again, dating for the first time. Holding hands and taking too many photos together. Getting excited about calling each other ‘babe’. Kissing and making out whenever they could, but not going any further.

In the middle of July, Charles’ food truck got booked to fill a last-minute cancellation at a music festival.

‘You should come!’ Charles said.

‘Ooh, are we going on a road trip?’ Jake said.

‘A _music festival_ road trip!’

‘This is so cool,’ said Jake. ‘I’m gonna get a Hawaiian shirt.’

 

Charles arrived at Gina’s apartment with an armful of homemade food, and she opened the door looking disdainful.

‘Are you ready for brother-sister hang time?’ he said.

‘I’m ready for you to stop saying that.’ Gina stepped back to let him and Nikolaj into the apartment, and took the boxes of food from him. ‘These are mine. This is the only reason I invited you over.’ She disappeared into the kitchen.

Charles and Gina had taken a somewhat unusual path to becoming stepsiblings. They had met when Charles had been at a bar, drinking alone in an attempt to distract himself from his recent break up with Vivian. His emotional wounds were still open and raw, and he had attempted to heal them with too much alcohol and the seemingly-begrudging attentions of an auburn-haired girl.

‘I’m so out of you league,’ Gina had told him, in between kisses.

‘Everyone’s out of my league,’ Charles had said.

When she woke up in his bed, she had looked over at him and groaned. ‘Damn, how desperate _am_ I?’ She had said, almost to herself. And she probably would have left then, if Charles hadn’t offered to make her breakfast. She hesitated for a moment, and then said, ‘Fine.’

And the French toast he made her must have been pretty good, because they had ended up back in bed, this time sober and fully aware of what they were doing. This was unusual for both of them: Charles usually slept with people he was madly in love with, and Gina usually slept with male models and Greek godess lookalikes – at least according to her. But somehow it had worked out, for a few weeks of food and alcohol and sex.

But then he and his dad had run into Gina and her mom at the spa. It had been awful, pretending not to know each other at they watched their parents flirting in their bathing suits.

‘We’ve gotta break them up!’ Gina had said, over homemade ramen the next week.

‘No way,’ said Charles. ‘I know they just met, but my dad _really_ likes your mom.’

‘Whatever,’ said Gina. ‘But there’s no way I’m sleeping with you anymore if or they’re gonna date.’

Charles found he didn’t mind that much. He liked Gina, but somehow the clingy, hopelessly romantic part of him hadn’t attached itself to her. It was easy to slip into the role of friends, and then, not long later, siblings.

He had got so used to Gina being his sister that it was weird to think about how their relationship had started. He was used to having her at his family gatherings, which she rolled her eyes at but secretly enjoyed. He had been delighted when she began romancing his cousin - even if Milton was the embarrassing black sheep of the family - and pleased that she stayed around even after the two of them broke up. He was also pleased that she still agreed to hang out with him, that she was currently sitting on her kitchen table, eating the pasta salad he had brought straight out of the tupperware.

It was a weekend, but Jake had to work – saving the city and all that. If Charles had it his way, he would see Jake every day, would spend far more time with him than they were at the moment. Maybe it was best that he didn’t have it his way, though – as he kept having to remind himself, Jake needed space.

Charles really, really liked Jake. He liked Jake’s jokes, and Jake’s action movie references, and the way he used way more words than necessary when he was flustered. He liked the way he could make Jake flustered. He liked Jake’s wide smiles and the way he held Charles’ gaze for a little too long, the way he jumped from one topic to another when he spoke.

‘I need you out by six,’ Gina said, interrupting Charles’ train of thought. ‘I’m seeing Rosa tonight.’

‘Scary Rosa?’ Charles said.

‘She threatened to beat you up _one time_ ,’ Gina said.

‘I know,’ said Charles. ‘And Jake said that even though she acts all scary, she’s soft on the inside. Like a chocolate fondant.’

‘Is that how Jake phrased it?’ Gina said, sardonically.

Charles ignored her. ‘He’s been telling me all the stories about the squad.’

‘Only the ones that make him sound cool,’ Gina said. And she probably had a point, but Charles didn’t care. He could imagine the rest – the paperwork, the late nights, the cold cases. He was much more interested in hearing the things that Jake got excited about.  

‘Are you going to eat all of that yourself?’ he said.

‘I guess we should probably feed those small humans,’ Gina said, like she was being charitable. ‘Hey, kids!’ she yelled, vaguely.

Iggy Linetti toddled into the room, followed by Nikolaj. ‘Food?’ she said, hopefully.

‘Come here, baby,’ Gina said. ‘Your uncle Charles has brought us some food – that’s the only reason we keep him around.’

Iggy’s father was Charles’ cousin – for all of Gina’s supposed models and goddesses, Charles suspected her type was something much more ordinary (and beige). The four of them ate lunch together, and Nikolaj quizzed Iggy on her opinions on Charles’ food, and Charles and Gina watched in amusement.

‘Good food,’ Iggy declared, throwing a piece of sausage roll at Nikolaj.

‘How many times have I told you?’ said Gina. ‘We only throw food if it’s _bad_.’

Iggy dissolved into giggles.

 

‘You and me and Jake should all get together some time,’ Charles said. ‘And the kids, obviously. Ooh, Jake and Katie came to my food truck once, maybe we should do that again.’

Gina sighed. ‘Let’s play: how long can Charles go without mentioning Jake?’

‘I don’t mention him that much,’ Charles protested weakly.

‘Yes you do,’ said Gina. ‘You obviously want me to ask how your – ugh – _relationship_ is going.’

‘I really do,’ Charles admitted. He was bursting to talk about Jake.

‘ _Fine_ ,’ said Gina. ‘Tell me about you and Jake.’

‘He’s _amazing_ ,’ Charles said.

‘He’s okay,’ said Gina.

‘We have so much fun together,’ Charles continued, undeterred. ‘And he’s such a good dad to Katie - I love that we can do stuff with the kids together. They’re such good friends, and when we’re all together it’s like being a-’

He faltered, realising what he had been about to say. _Like being a family._ Slow down, he reminded himself. Take things _slow_. Don’t do anything that might make Jake panic. Think about what’s best for the kids.

Gina eyed him. ‘Are you going Full Boyle on this sitch?’

‘Nonsense!’ Charles said. ‘That is merely conjecture!’

‘You’re lying,’ she said. ‘You always talk all old-timey when you lie.’

‘ _Fine_ ,’ Charles conceded. Gina knew him too well – she had heard all about Vivian and the others, and had seen his mess of a relationship with Genevieve for herself. ‘Maybe a little bit. But only on the inside! I haven’t done anything weird - I promise.’

‘Do you need Rosa to threaten you some more?’ Gina said. ‘Actually, you know what, I’ll do it. If you do any of your weird little Charles things and end up hurting Jakey, I will _end you_.’

‘I won’t!’ said Charles. The last thing he wanted was to mess up his relationship with Jake. ‘Trust me, Gina. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. I really love him.’

‘See!’ she said. ‘Like _that_! He is _not_ ready for you to tell him that!’

‘I _know_ ,’ said Charles, helplessly. ‘But I _do_!’

Charles had been in love a lot; he knew it when he felt it. And people had tried to tell him that it wasn’t the real thing, but it was to him. He loved Jake, and no amount of ‘going slow’ was going to change that.

‘Look, Jake is fragile. He’s like one of those china dogs that old ladies always collect.’

‘I know that,’ said Charles. ‘People keep _telling_ me. But Jake’s also strong. I know you don’t like that we’re dating, but-’

‘What?’ Said Gina. ‘That’s not what I said.’

‘Isn’t it?’

‘I actually think you losers are pretty perfect for each other. Jake likes the weird dorky ones. And that boy needs some lovin’.’

‘So you approve?’ Charles said, hopefully.

‘Hmm,’ said Gina. ‘IDK if ‘approve’ is the right word but... if you’re really serious about this, it might not be a terrible idea.’

Charles grinned. ‘You approve.’

‘You’re right about Jake being strong,’ Gina said. ‘He can handle himself. But, ya know… I worry about him.’

‘That’s so sweet,’ said Charles. ‘Look at you, caring about people.’

‘Okay, that’s enough of that,’ Gina said.

‘There’s something else I was wondering,’ Charles said. He was going to ask her what had happened at their parents’ wedding, but decided at the last moment that it would be more tactful to ask Jake – or wait for Jake to tell him himself.

‘Yeah?’

Charles floundered for a backup question. ‘Why did you sleep with me anyway?’

‘Because we both had pain in our souls,’ Gina said. ‘Your fiancé left you, and my friend had just died. We needed a way to exorcise our demons.’

‘Your friend had just died?’ Charles said.

Gina sighed and rolled her eyes, like she was making a huge sacrifice in talking to him. ‘ _Amy_ ,’ she said.

‘Oh,’ Charles said. ‘Right.’ For some reason, he hadn’t been thinking of Amy as anything other than _Jake’s wife_. He’d been forgetting that she was also Gina’s friend – and friends with Terry and Holt and scary Rosa as well.

‘Also, my psychic told me I was going to have a sensuous experience with a man in an ugly tie,’ Gina said.

When Charles left Gina’s apartment, he checked his phone and saw a series of photos of Hawaiian shirts that Jake had sent.

 **Jake** : Found us the perf music festival lewks!

And Charles thought, _I love you_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going on holiday soon and am generally busy until then, so it's gonna be at least three weeks before this fic gets updated. I will return though!


	11. The Road Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang take a road trip to a music festival, and things get emotional.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! And with an absolute beast of a chapter to make up for disappearing ;) I *should* be back to weekly updates from now on, but it might be a bit hit and miss.

Katie had very strong opinions about music, and right now she also had control of Jake’s aux cord.

‘This is the band that’s headlining the festival,’ she told him. Jake suspected that his daughter was on the way to being cooler than him, which was slightly alarming.

The music festival was happening on a farm in upstate New York, separated from Brooklyn by several hours’ worth of tree-lined roads. Somehow, Jake always forgot how much nothing you found as soon as you left the city. Nothing but green landscapes punctuated by the occasional gas station or church or motel.

‘Can you imagine living here?’ he said.

‘No,’ said Katie. ‘There aren’t any bookshops, or bodegas, or pizza places, or food trucks, or... people. Where are all the people?’

Jake laughed. ‘Probably driving for two hours to get pizza.’

‘There are barely even _buildings_ ,’ Katie said. ‘Just a lot of trees.’

A while later, Jake asked Katie what she wanted for lunch.

‘Ice cream,’ she said.

‘That’s good,’ said Jake, ‘because I can’t see anywhere that sells real food.’

They stopped at the truck stop/ ice cream place, where they were joined by Charles and Nikolaj, and the four of them ate ice cream together at a metal picnic table.

This clearly wasn’t going to be the healthiest of weekends. Amy would probably have thought about that in advance - she would probably have packed carrot sticks and celery or something. For the thousandth time, Jake wondered how he was supposed to do this without her. And then he tuned back in, and listened to Charles attempt to defend avocado ice cream while the kids looked dubious, and his thoughts of Amy fell to the side.

It was another hour of driving before they made it to the farm, which was already crawling with trucks and caravans and people lugging tents and twelve-packs of beer. Almost everyone was young enough to make Jake feel both old and uncool.

Jake parked up in the staff carpark, which was actually a field cordoned off with red tape – like the fun version of a crime scene. A teenager in a flower crown and a staff t-shirt gave Jake a caterer’s lanyard and Katie a wristband, which she was delighted with, and the two of them went to find Charles’ food truck.

 

By the time Jake and Katie arrived, Charles had the truck set up and food preparation underway. They sent the kids out with ear defenders, twenty dollars, and Jake’s phone.

‘Call us on Charles’ phone if anything happens,’ said Jake. ‘If you get lost, or you need us, or anything.’

‘Yeah coolcoolcoolcool,’ said Katie, impatiently. ‘We’ll be fine!’

‘Seriously,’ said Jake.

‘We’ll look after each other,’ Nikolaj said, adorably.

‘Have fun,’ Charles told them. ‘Come back if you get hungry.’

‘We will!’ Katie yelled over her shoulder.

‘They’ll be okay, right?’ Jake said.

Charles took his hand and squeezed it. ‘Definitely.’

‘Yeah,’ said Jake. ‘Uh-huh. Totally. Okay, time for you to teach me how to food truck!’

Charles walked him through the food prep, which mostly involved him pushing food into Jake’s hands and then taking it away again.

‘Chop these onions – no, not like that! What are you doing? Let me show you!’

He was using a pared-back version of his menu for the festival, but it was still a lot of work trying to get everything ready. Charles snapped into head chef mode, and Jake cheerfully went along with it. His food was messier than Charles would have accepted from his normal employees, but he was willing to let it go when it came to Jake. Plus, none of the people at the music festival seemed too fussy. Before long, they had a substantial queue of drunk people building up.

‘Jake, I need those fries asap,’ Charles said.

‘Coming, chef!

‘That means _now_!’ Charles snapped.

Jake leant over, tipping the fryer basket of fries into a cardboard dish and planting a swift kiss on Charles’ cheek. ‘I _told_ you they were coming.’

It was hectic with only two of them, the order tickets lining up across the top of the window once the lunch rush started. They found a rhythm, bouncing back and forth between different parts of the truck, taking orders and grilling and putting things together and serving. They moved easily around each other, and Jake chatted to the customers and was generally delightful to work with. Charles thought that maybe he was wasted in the police.

After a couple of hours, Katie and Nikolaj returned, having spent all of their money on a giant paper bag of sweets.

‘You’re gonna make yourselves sick,’ Charles said.

‘Ooh, are those gummy worms?’ Jake said, leaning across the counter so far his feet left the floor. ‘Because I raised you by myself and you’re obligated to share them with me.’

Katie rolled her eyes, but offered the bag to Jake.

‘Do you two want some real food?’ Charles said. He made them burgers, going light on the mayonnaise and heavy on the lettuce in a half-hearted attempt to make their lunch somewhat healthy.

 

The band that had been playing on the main stage finished their set, and the crowd began to disperse, sending a new wave of orders to the food truck. The kids wandered off again, and Jake and Charles got back into the rhythm of taking orders and cooking food.

‘Two burgers, two fries,’ Jake called, pinning yet another ticket above the food truck’s window.

‘Coming,’ Charles said, flipping the three burgers he already had on the grill. Running a food truck with only the two of them was like a high-pressure juggling act, and Charles had never been much good at juggling. (When it came to circus skills, he was all about the devil sticks.)

As with every time Charles had found himself getting stressed out, every time the pressure had started to get to him, Jake was there with a hand on his back and a goofy grin. ‘I’ve got it,’ he said. ‘You get those ones finished.’

‘I love you,’ Charles said, without thinking about it. _Stupidly_.

Panic flashed across Jake’s face. ‘Coooooool,’ he said. ‘Noice. Very cool. Yep. Uh-huh.’

‘Oh my god, I’m so sorry,’ said Charles. He couldn’t believe his stupid mouth, his stupid heart. ‘I always do this. I am _so_ sorry.’

Jake scrubbed a hand through his hair. ‘Unrelatedly, I have to go,’ he said. ‘Pee. I have to pee. That’s why I’m leaving right now.’ Without meeting Charles’ gaze, Jake moved past him and out of the truck, walking in the opposite direction to the restrooms.

Goddamnit. Why couldn’t Charles just have kept his mouth shut, just respected Jake’s need to take things slow? And now Jake was gone, because Charles had ruined everything.

‘Hey, where’s my burger at?’ a girl said.

‘Ssh, stop hassling him,’ her friend said, and both of them laughed.

The burgers Charles had been grilling were now burnt and emitting bitter smoke. Charles scraped them off the grill, started new ones, knocked a bottle of mayonnaise off the counter. He picked it up and knocked it over again, clumsy in his haste to finish this order. He needed to get to Jake, needed to make things right in any way he could.

He put the girls’ food together sloppily, and then turned to the waiting people and said, ‘We’re closed, I’m sorry, I’ll be back soon!’

There were some grumbles, but Charles ignored them. He took his apron off, dropped it on the counter, and locked up the food truck. He started off in the direction Jake had gone, trying to figure out where he would be.

He found him, eventually. Jake was away from the stages, in a field filled with the caravans of festival staff. He was pacing back and forth in the shade of a tree, frowning.

‘Hey,’ Charles said, tentatively.

He waited for Jake to be mad at him, to tell Charles that he hadn’t respected his boundaries. For him to tell Charles that he was moving too fast. For things to fall apart, like they had so many times before.

But what happens was that Jake said, ‘I’m so sorry,’ and started crying.

‘What? No, _I’m_ sorry,’ said Charles. He couldn’t stand seeing Jake upset - it felt like a punch to the gut every time. No, it was something worse than a punch, something sharper. It felt like a knife. ‘Hey, no, it’s okay,’ he said. ‘You don’t need to be sorry.’

‘I just-’ Jake gestured vaguely, his voice cracking. ‘I hate this. I just. I can’t.’

‘It’s okay,’ Charles said. ‘Talk to me.’

‘I hate being like this,’ Jake said. ‘You’re so sweet, and so _kind_ , and you’re not doing anything wrong - you’re just being yourself and then I screw everything up.’ Everything Jake said was another twist of the knife.

‘You haven’t screwed anything up,’ Charles said, desperately. ‘I shouldn’t have said what I said - I’m so sorry.’

‘You shouldn’t have to say sorry!’ Jake said.

 ‘Come here,’ Charles said. ‘You look like you need a ten-minute hug.’

Jake laughed, weakly. ‘I do.’

Charles pulled Jake into his arms. ‘Its okay, Jakey. You don’t have to say sorry - I’m the one who did something wrong.’ Jake started crying again, pressing his wet face into Charles’ neck. ‘I’m so sorry,’ Charles said, holding him tight.

‘Okay, let’s both stop saying sorry,’ Jake said, which made Charles laugh. Jake pulled back and wiped his eyes with the heels of his hands. ‘Right. Yep. I’m okay.’

‘It’s okay to not be okay,’ Charles said, gently. ‘Do you want to talk?’

‘Yeah.’ Jake sat down on the grass, and Charles sank to the ground beside him. ‘I…’ Jake made some hand gestures.

‘It’s okay,’ Charles said. ‘I understand. I shouldn’t have said that.’

‘No – you don’t have to – don’t be – I can’t – I don’t even know what I’m trying to say right now,’ Jake said. ‘Coolcoolcool.’ He pulled out a few blades of grass and shredded them.

‘Can I tell you about something?’ Charles said.

‘Go for it.’

‘I used to date this woman called Vivian,’ Charles said. Jake was pulling up more plants, his fingertips turning green. ‘I met her at a party, and we talked about food, and we made out in a closet.’

‘Were you in college?’ Jake said.

‘Nope,’ said Charles. ‘This was maybe eight years ago? Between Eleanor and Gina.’

‘Okay,’ Jake said.

‘I was obsessed with her,’ Charles said. He was on a roll now. ‘I always do that. I meet someone, and I get obsessed with them, and we go on romantic minibreaks and I feed them chocolate mousse, and I tell them I love them. We’d been together a few weeks, and I went into a trance and bought an engagement ring.’

‘Wow,’ said Jake. ‘That’s… yep. Pretty obsessed.’

‘It was crazy,’ Charles said. ‘We barely knew each other.’

‘She broke up with you?’ Jake guessed.

‘That’s the thing,’ Charles said. ‘She said _yes_. She was just as intense as I was, I guess. We started planning the wedding and everything.’

‘So what happened?’

‘She wanted to move to Canada,’ Charles said. ‘She never mentioned it until we were already engaged, because that’s what happens when you get engaged after three weeks. And I didn’t want to go to Canada, so we broke up. And it sucked. I hadn’t known her long, but I really loved her.’

‘Right,’ said Jake. ‘I’m sorry that happened to you.’

‘Obviously it’s nothing compared to what you’ve been through,’ Charles said, quickly.

Jake shook his head. ‘Just because something worse happened to me doesn’t mean it wasn’t bad. It seems like you’ve had some pretty bad luck with relationships.’

‘Yeah,’ said Charles. ‘Or maybe I’m just bad at them. I have a long history of moving too fast. I’ve never had a relationship where I made myself wait for things. But I know that’s what you need, so that’s what I’m doing. And I’m _really_ sorry for screwing up.’

‘It’s not _fair_ though,’ Jake said. ‘It’s not fair on you! You shouldn’t have to be waiting for me constantly!’

‘It’s fine,’ Charles said, earnestly. ‘I will wait for you, for as long as you need me to.’

Jake groaned. ‘But I hate that you have to do that for me! We’ve been together two months, and we haven’t even had sex!’

‘I don’t care about any of that,’ Charles said. He wanted more – of course he did. He wanted to run his hands through Jake’s hair and kiss him senseless, wanted to tell him exactly how much he loved him, wanted to _show_ how much he loved him. But he only wanted to do all of that if it was going to make Jake happy. ‘All I care about is being with you, in whatever way I can.’

‘God, you’re so good at those romcom lines,’ Jake said. He looked up at Charles for the first time since they’d sat down, and smiled weakly. ‘I’ve said this before, but you are _way_ too nice.’

‘You deserve it,’ Charles said.

Jake dropped the tattered bits of grass he was holding and leaned over to kiss him. ‘Still too nice.’

Charles laughed, and then said, ‘I think it’s good for me to slow down for once. No proposals, no adopting kids together.’

‘That’s probably fair,’ Jake acknowledged.

Charles kissed him again, one hand moving to Jake’s back. He knew he should probably stop talking, but he couldn’t quite help himself. ‘I meant what I said though.’ He bit his lip, worried that he’d gone too far again.

‘I know,’ said Jake. ‘I sort of already knew. Also, I… I really like you. Being with you. All of this. I just – I can’t – you know?’

‘I know,’ said Charles.

‘Oh my god,’ Jake said, suddenly. ‘We gotta get back to the food truck! We’ve wasted so much time!’

‘Don’t worry about it,’ said Charles. ‘We can go back whenever you’re ready.’

‘But it’s important!’ Jake argued. ‘I wanna be good so you can get jobs at more of these things!’

He got to his feet and stretched out a hand to help Charles up.

‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ Charles said.

‘Yeah, I’m good.’ Jake ran a bashful hand through his hair. ‘Thanks for. You know. Looking after me.’

Charles felt a pang of guilt - after all, it was his fault Jake had needed looking after in the first place. But he didn’t want to bring Jake down again, so all he said was, ‘Any time.’

 

Charles was on edge for the rest of the afternoon, overthinking everything he said to Jake and making a mess of the food. But Jake seemed okay – _almost_ normal – chatting with the customers and picking up bottles of condiments when Charles knocked them over. Eventually the kids came back, tired and fussy, and sat on the grass behind the food truck eating the rest of their sweets.

Dusk fell over the farm, and there was another, even drunker, rush of customers. It only died down again when people started to converge on the main stage again – time for the headlining band.

‘Are you gonna watch the band with us?’ Katie said.

‘Come _on_ , Papa,’ said Nikolaj.

Charles looked at Jake carefully, needing to do everything right. ‘What do you think?’

‘Yeah, sure, let’s go,’ he said.

‘Yessss!’ said Katie.

‘If you’re okay with closing the food truck again?’ Jake said. He was being careful too. Charles wanted to say _don’t worry about me,_ wanted to say, _let me look after you._

‘It’s fine, I’ll shut it,’ he said.

‘Toit,’ said Jake.

‘Yesss!’ said Katie again.

So they went. The four of them joined the heaving crowd around the main stage, and Jake held Charles’ hand and kept shooting him little smiles that said _I’m okay, I promise, let’s have fun._ And Charles didn’t know this band – he rarely listened to music that had come out later than 1995 – but the kids new all the lyrics and their excitement was contagious.

So he listened to the music, and he held Jake’s hand, and he laughed when Jake tried to guess at the lyrics as he sang along. Katie and Nikolaj informed them which songs were the best – as far as Charles could tell, it was all of them. And everything was the buzzing energy of the crowd, the evening fading into night, and Jake’s warm hand in his.

‘Are you guys hungry?’ Jake said, as they joined the flow of the crowd away from the stage afterwards. ‘Because I am.’

‘Do you want me to make some food?’ Charles said.

Jake squeezed his hand. ‘Don’t you wanna take a break? Let’s go get some super overpriced food from someone else.’

So they bought (very expensive) burritos, and sat on the grass to eat them.

‘We’re gonna look over there,’ Katie announced, pointing at a tent selling just about anything you could want at a festival.

‘Cool,’ said Jake. ‘Don’t go too far!’

The kids ran over to the tent, and Charles looked at Jake and wondered if he should say something about what had happened earlier, but Jake’s phone rang.

‘Rosa,’ he said, and answered it without bothering to move away. ‘Hey! What’s up?’

‘I’m engaged,’ Rosa said, without preamble. Her voice was tinny and indistinct, but Charles could hear what she was saying.

‘What?’ said Jake. ‘To _who_?’

‘Gina.’

‘ _What_?’ Jake said again.

‘She asked me to marry her,’ Rosa said. ‘And I said yes.’

Charles’ phone rang as well, and he shifted away from Jake slightly. It was Gina.

‘Hi, you have reached Gina Linetti,’ she said, even though _she_ had called _him_.

‘You’re _engaged_?’ said Charles. ‘To scary Rosa? Oh my god, this is huge - why didn’t you tell me you were gonna ask her? Why didn’t I know you were dating?!’

‘Please, I have a reputation to uphold,’ Gina said.

‘I can’t believe you’re getting married!’ Charles said. He was bursting with excitement.

‘Yeah, well, anyway,’ Gina said. ‘I need someone to walk me down the aisle and since my dad sucks and Captain Holt is gonna be officiating...’

‘You’re asking Jake?’ Charles guessed. ‘That’s adorable.’

‘Actually, Jake’s gonna be a little busy,’ Gina said. ‘So what do you say, brother?’

Charles made a noise that a man with any self-respect would have been embarrassed by. ‘Oh my god, a thousand times yes!’

‘Calm down,’ Gina said, but he could hear the smile in her voice. ‘Don’t make me regret choosing you over Terry.’

‘Right,’ said Charles, making no effort at all to tone down his joy.

‘Okay I gotta go, I’ve got a ridiculously extravagant wedding to plan.’

‘Bye!’ Charles said. ‘Love you!’

Gina hung up and Charles turned back to Jake, who was grinning broadly.

‘Rosa asked me to be their best man!’ He said.

‘Gina wants me to walk her down the aisle,’ Charles said.

‘That’s amazing!’ said Jake.

‘I know!’ Charles lay back against the grass, looking up at all the stars that were invisible in the city. Jake scooted over to lie beside him, shoulder to shoulder, fingers entwining with Charles’. Amazing.


	12. The Good Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is baking, kissing, and a whole lot of talking.

On the first day after Jake dropped Katie off at camp, he slept until eleven. It was fantastic. And then he wandered into the kitchen in search of food, and realised that he didn’t have any, and that his apartment was far too quiet and empty.

He called Charles. ‘Are you busy today?’

‘Nope! Wanna get something to eat?’

‘Oh my god, yes,’ Jake said.

They went for brunch, at Charles’ suggestion, at a hipster place that served food off of slates and bellinis in jars.

‘This is awesome,’ Jake said. ‘People who don’t have kids must just day-drink all the time.’

Charles held his hand across the table. ‘ _Right_?’

Jake liked holding hands, liked the casual intimacy of it, the warmth of skin on skin. He liked the hugs and the lingering touches and the occasional stolen makeout session when they had time away from the kids. He liked kissing Charles. And he had definitely thought about _other things_ he might like, but he was worried that if they tried to do any more than kiss he would cry.

And it had been a long time. A really, really long time. Jake wouldn’t have admitted it, but he was nervous about the whole idea in a way that had nothing to do with his grief.

‘Okay?’ Charles said, and Jake realised that he had let his throughs distract him.

‘Sorry. My brain went off on a whole thing.’

‘Wanna tell me about it?’ Charles said.

Jake figured this probably wasn’t the right place for _that_ conversation. ‘It’s Katie’s birthday right after she gets back from camp,’ he said, instead. ‘I should probably figure out what I’m gonna do for that.’

‘I have an idea!’ said Charles.

‘Does it involve food?’

‘Yes!’ Charles beamed. ‘How about I teach you how to make cake from scratch?’

‘Toit,’ Jake said. He liked that idea, him doing a proper, traditional, _dad_ thing for Katie’s birthday, the sort of thing his dad had never done for him. ‘Yeah, that would actually be really cool.’

An hour later and they were in Charles’ kitchen, surrounded by flour and eggs and bowls as music blasted from the radio.

‘…and then we want to combine the wet ingredients with the dry ingredients,’ Charles said. ‘Use the electric mixer – you want to get as much air in as possible.’

It was like when they had worked together at the music festival, except this time there was no pressure and no drunk people waiting for their food - nothing but the two of them. And Charles talked about flavour combinations and types of frosting and European yeast-based cakes, and Jake happily listened to all of it.

‘I keep trying to make traditional Latvian dishes for Nikolaj,’ Charles said. ‘But he doesn’t like any of them. I don’t know how I raised a picky eater.’

‘Katie eats just about anything,’ Jake said. ‘But the most exotic thing she gets is takeout. Or it was, before we started hanging out with you.’

‘Maybe she’ll be a good influence on him,’ Charles mused, spreading cake batter into tins. ‘Okay, let’s put these in the oven.’

‘This is so neat,’ Jake said, peering through the oven door at the almost-cakes. ‘I haven’t baked anything since my nana was alive. Well, me and Amy tried once, but it was a disaster. We had to go to the emergency room because I burnt myself, _and_ she put salt in the cookies instead of sugar. I hurt myself for nothing!’

Charles laughed, moving around the room and loading things into the dishwasher. Jake pulled himself away from the oven to help.

‘Tell me more about Amy,’ Charles said.

‘We were partners,’ Jake said. ‘She used to sit at the desk opposite mine, and fill out all her paperwork perfectly, and trash talk me. We had this stupid bet about who could get the most arrests, and when I won – which, to be clear, I cheated, she was a better cop than me – I got to take her on a date. And I tried so hard to make it bad - I made her wear this stupid dress. And halfway through we got called in to go on this stakeout and we ended up actually having a really good time. When we finally caught our perp, we did this whole thing of pretending to be a couple having a fight.’

‘That sounds adorable,’ Charles said, with full sincerity.

‘Yeah,’ said Jake. ‘She was... definitely adorable.’

‘What happened after that?’

‘That was when I realised I liked her, you know, like that,’ Jake said. ‘Which was crazy, because she was super hot. But the thing that brought us together was that we could joke around and have fun, you know?’

‘I know,’ said Charles, pausing what he was doing to give Jake a soft, meaningful look.

‘We kissed afterwards,’ Jake said, forcing his mind to stay on the past. ‘And then I took her on an _actual_ date. And after that it was just…’

‘A whole lot of romance and getting married and having a baby?’ Charles said.

Jake laughed. ‘Pretty much. I mean, it was a bit more complicated than that.’

‘You weren’t sure about having kids,’ Charles remembered.

‘Yeah.’ Jake sighed. The clearing up finished, he leant against the kitchen table. ‘It was our anniversary, and Amy told someone we were going to start trying soon, and… look, the thing is, I did want kids. I’ve always liked kids. But I wasn’t _sure_ I wanted them, you know? And Amy wanted them right away - I just freaked out.’

‘What happened?’

Jake sighed. ‘This is gonna make Amy sound kinda bad. We always talk about her like she was perfect, but the truth is that sometimes she wasn’t. When I freaked out and said I wasn’t sure if I wanted kids... she freaked out too. Like, a lot.’

‘You told me before you had a structured debate?’

‘Yeah,’ Jake laughed. ‘That’s the kind of thing that happened when Amy freaked out. But also she said... she said she didn’t want to have to start over with someone else.’

‘On your anniversary?’ Charles said, looking pained.

‘Yep,’ said Jake. ‘After we’d been through so much together and got married and promised we were gonna be together forever.’

‘What did you say?’

‘We kinda got distracted by the case then,’ Jake said. ’It was a whole thing. A whole, kinda shitty thing. I nearly got blown up.’

‘ _What?_ ’

‘They’d convinced this little old lady to set off a bomb. I had to talk her down.’

‘You’re such a badass,’ Charles said, appreciatively.

Jake laughed. ‘I really am. But the point is: it made me realise that the only thing stopping me from having kids with Amy was that I was scared, but I could _handle_ being scared. Does that make sense?’

‘So much sense,’ Charles said, and kissed him. ‘Thank you for being so open with me.’

‘Any time,’ Jake said.

They kissed again, and it was warm and soft and hungry. Jake took Charles’ face in his hands, brushed a thumb across his cheek, felt where the trace of stubble gave way to softer skin. Charles’ hands were on his waist, careful, never pushing their boundaries, but Jake found himself wishing Charles would push them just a little.

They kissed, and it felt like a healing thing. It felt like therapy, like getting better. It felt like all the broken pieces of him were being put back together.

They kissed, and Jake wanted more.

He pulled back just a little, tugging on Charles’ bottom lip with both of his own. ‘Do you wanna go to the bedroom?’ he said.

‘Yes, if you do,’ said Charles. Jake kissed him again, and then took his hand and led him towards the bedroom.

He didn’t cry. He cracked jokes, and he gave compliments, and he said things like _oh yeah, like that._ All he thought about was Charles: his body pressed against him, his lips on his mouth and his neck and his chest, his touches that started out careful but became increasingly intense. Charles was steady, careful, always asking, ‘Is this okay? Can I…?’

And every time, Jake found himself saying, ‘Yes.’

Cuddling afterwards, with Charles pressed up against his side, Jake couldn’t stop smiling.

‘You okay?’ said Charles.

‘I’m amazing,’ said Jake, breathless, delighted. ‘That was _so good_. Can we do that again?’

Charles laughed. ‘That’s optimistic of you.’

‘Do you know how long it’s been since I had sex with someone?’ said Jake. ‘There’s so many things I wanna do!’

Charles rolled on top of him, pressing lazy kisses into his shoulder. ‘I can’t wait to find out about all your favourite things.’

Jake was, in fact, feeling optimistic. And they had plenty of time, time to spend talking and kissing and exploring. He had been stupid to be nervous – there was no pressure here, no expectation. All that mattered here was him and Charles and everything between them.

‘You’re so…’ Charles said afterwards, lying with his head on Jake’s chest. ‘God, Jake. You’re amazing.’

‘Oh yeah?’ said Jake, slyly. ‘So that was worth waiting for?’

‘Yes,’ said Charles. ‘But that wasn’t what I meant. I just… I really like you.’

Jake knew what Charles probably wanted to say instead, and found that the thought didn’t make him want to run away. ‘I really like you, too.’

 ‘Can I ask you something?’ Charles said.

‘Always.’ Jake yawned.

‘How did you get that scar on your leg?’

‘Oh, that.’ Jake smiled dopily. ‘I got it from being very badass.’

‘I’m sure you did.’

‘This guy had a gun to my head – that was a whole thing, too – and the only way out was for Amy to shoot me. Which, now that I say it, makes it sound like we had a weird relationship.’

‘I don’t think so,’ said Charles. ‘I think it’s pretty amazing that she’d do that for you. She sounds like a wonderful person.’

Jake smiled sadly. ‘She really was.’

‘I’m sad I never got to meet her,’ said Charles.

Jake stroked Charles’ hair absently, trying to extinguish the flicker of guilt in his stomach. It was stupid, he knew. Surely Amy would want him to be happy, would want him to fall in love again if he had the chance.

It was still hard to admit to himself, but Jake had crossed so many lines with Charles that he hadn’t expected to. This wasn’t a casual thing – far from it. Jake had tried casual, and it hadn’t worked. He wouldn’t have slept with Charles if he hadn’t felt the way he did.

If he hadn’t been falling for him.

Charles titled his head up to kiss Jake’s jaw. ‘Okay?’ he said.

Was he? It was a complicated question. But right now Charles was curled warmly against Jake’s side, and his body was still flooded with sexy-timez endorphins, and he figured that any guilt he was feeling was irrational.

‘I’m good,’ he said.

There was a content pause, and then Charles said, ‘Oh my god, we forgot about the cake.’

‘Crap!’ Jake said, and they both laughed, Charles’ body shaking with it against Jake’s.

When they got to the kitchen, the oven was smoking. The cakes were blackened and crumbling, but Jake was determined, so they started over with the just-washed equipment and a new box of eggs, and eventually they had something edible. Charles showed Jake how to make frosting, and wrapped his hands around Jake’s to guide the piping bag, and they sat with Jake’s feet in Charles’ lap eating cake.

This whole ‘kids not being around’ thing was shaping up to be pretty good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The timeline of this story is absolute WHACK (like Jake and Amy have a kid the same age as Cagney and Lacey, that's how whack it is), hence the compressed timeline of them getting together after The Bet.


	13. Good Omens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which time passes, and things change.

Charles offered to help make Katie’s birthday cake, but Jake insisted on doing it himself. He was pretty proud of the result - even though it was wonky and he couldn’t figure out how to pipe the frosting properly. Katie was delighted with it, as well as with the stack of books and band t-shirts and other assorted presents he had bought for her. He always went slightly overboard for Katie’s birthday, but she deserved it. The day ended with the two of them on the couch, watching a movie about Ancient Greece as they devoured their third slice of cake.

‘This is so good,’ she said. ‘You and Charles should start a food truck that just does cake.’

‘Katherine Atlas Peralta-Santiago, you are an absolute genius.’

 

 

The kids went back to school, and Jake and Charles spent whatever lunchbreaks they could together. They spent evenings at each other’s apartment, sitting at the kitchen table helping the kids with their homework, or making dinner, or watching a movie. It all felt so easy, so natural.

Charles and Nikolaj joined Jake and Katie for Thanksgiving dinner with the rest of Jake’s squad and their families. Katie and Nikolaj introduced Cagney and Lacey Jeffords to their Ancient Greeks game, and the squad regaled Charles with stories of disastrous Thanksgivings of the past.

‘…So we figured it was best to ban Amy from making mashed potatoes altogether,’ Jake said, and Charles laughed.

Jake and Katie celebrated Hanukkah with Jake’s parents, and, not long after that, Christmas with Charles and Nikolaj.

‘We normally spend Christmas with Genevieve,’ Charles had said. ‘So that me and her don’t end up arguing over who gets to have Nikolaj. But she’s away with her new boyfriend this year, so… maybe you and Katie could come over?’

Jake hadn’t celebrated Christmas since Amy had been alive, but Charles’s apartment was filled with decorations and the smell of gingerbread, and Jake thought that maybe he could get used to this. Charles cooked a goose and a selection of Latvian dishes that only Katie was interested in eating, and afterwards the four of them sat on the couch and watched _Home Alone_ together. The only Christmas tradition they _did_ have was the phone call from Amy’s parents.

‘Merry Christmas, Jake,’ Victor Santiago said, in a way that was much more disapproving than merry.

‘Heyyyy!’ Jake said. ‘Happy Christmas!’ He hastily handed the phone over to Katie.

‘Hi, Abuelo!’ She said cheerfully, followed by a stream of chatter in her slightly halted Spanish, that nonetheless was more than Jake could follow.

He’d had big plans, once upon a time. He had started taking Spanish classes after he and Amy had got married, and they had intended to raise their children as bilingual. ( _Children_ plural, wasn’t that a crazy thought?) He has tried his best to keep it going after Amy had died, but his efforts to learn Spanish had fallen behind, pushed to the side by his grief and his work and his role as a single parent.

Charles put his arm around Jake’s shoulders, and Jake leant into him. He decided he quite liked Christmas.

 

 

Jake’s phone rang.

‘Peralta,’ he said, twirling his pen in his hand and hoping it was something to break up the monotony of his paperwork. It was February, gloomy, bitingly cold, and bereft of ingesting cases.

‘Hi,’ said a peppy, female voice. ‘Is this Katie Peralta-Santiago’s dad?’

‘Yeah,’ said Jake, suddenly anxious. ‘Everything okay?’

‘Nothing to panic over,’ the lady on the phone said. ‘But Katie’s fallen off the money bars and banged her head. She seems okay, but there’s quite a lot of blood.’

‘Oh, jeez.’ Jake reached for his jacket.

‘We think it’s best if she takes the rest of the day off, just to make sure she’s alright.’

‘Yep,’ said Jake. ‘I’ll come get her – or someone will, if I can’t get out of work.’

Holt walked out of his office, looking serious – more serious than usual.

‘Okay, great.’ The lady on the phone hung up.

‘Diaz has requested backup on a situation that has become violent,’ Holt said. ‘A shooting. Jeffords, Cook, Brown, Peralta – get your tactical gear.’

That didn’t sound good at all. But Jake needed to _go_ , needed to check that Katie was okay.

‘I’m meant to be picking Katie up – she got hurt,’ Jake said. ‘Gina can you-’

‘What if Rosa needs me?’ Gina said, and Jake saw the fear in her face. He was still getting used to the fact that she and Rosa were dating, were engaged, were in _love_ , but he knew that kind of fear. He knew the panic of someone you loved and a gun and… he had to be there for Rosa too.

‘Okay, it’s fine, coolcoolcool,’ he said. ‘I’ll call Kevin.’

‘Ah,’ said Holt. ‘Kevin is currently at an academic conference in Paris.’

 _Crap_. Jake tried his mom, but it went straight to voicemail. He tried his dad - no answer there either. He thought about calling Amy’s parents, but they lived too far away to be any use.

‘Peralta, if you need to leave, tell me,’ Holt said.

‘No, it’s okay, I’ll sort it.’ Jake scrolled through his contacts until he found Charles.

He picked up after the first ring. ‘Hey, what’s up?’

‘Hey, I know you’re working,’ Jake said. ‘But do you know anyone who could pick Katie up? She hurt herself but there’s this work thing - Rosa - I have to go - I’ll be back late - my parents didn’t answer and I just really need someone to look after her while I-’

‘Jake,’ Charles said. ‘It’s fine - I’ll get her.’

‘Really?’ said Jake.

‘Yep – I’ll leave Janelle in charge of the food truck. Nikolaj is seeing his mom tonight, but I’ll-’

‘I have to go,’ Jake said. ‘But seriously, thank you. You’re amazing.’

 

It was a difficult evening, coordinating with other precincts, protecting civilians, subduing the gunman and eventually taking him in. Five civilians and two uniformed officers had been injured, but Jake and the rest of the backup got the situation under control and prevented any more casualties. The whole time, the back of Jake’s mind was thinking _but what about Katie? Is she okay?_ on an incessant loop.

When they got back to the precinct, Gina hugged Rosa with so much emotion that Jake had to look away. He checked his phone.

 **Charles:** Talked to the nurse and decided Katie doesn’t need to go to the ER, taking her back to your place

 **Charles** : Hope you don’t mind me using your spare key, she wanted to go home

 **Charles** : Genevieve is dropping Niko off here

 **Charles** : Hope everything’s okay xx

 

It was late by the time Jake got home. Nikolaj was passed out on the couch, his glasses sliding off his face. Charles was sitting on the floor beside him, head resting against the arm of the couch. Jake thought he was asleep too, but he opened his eyes and sat up.

‘Hey,’ he said, quietly.

‘Thank you so much,’ Jake said, careful to keep his voice low. ‘You are a legit lifesaver.’

‘It’s nothing.’ Charles stifled a yawn as he got to his feet. ‘We’ll get going now.’

‘Charles,’ Jake said. ‘C’mon. It’s so late - stay here.’

‘I don’t wanna get in your way.’

‘You never get in my way,’ Jake said.

‘Okay,’ said Charles. ‘If you’re sure.’

Jake went into Katie’s room, careful to be quiet. She was asleep, blood matted in her curly hair, but looked otherwise okay. Jake pressed a gentle hand to her forehead – no fever. And Charles and the nurse had both said she was alright. For the first time all afternoon, Jake felt the tension ease out of him.

He found a spare blanket and pillow for Nikolaj, retrieving his glasses and setting them on the coffee table/footstool. He went back to his bedroom, where Charles was sitting on the edge of the bed looking like he was about to fall asleep again.

‘Seriously,’ said Jake, dumping his jacket on top of his dirty clothes chair and beginning to unbutton his shirt. ‘Thank you for coming.’

Charles yawned. ‘It’s nothing. How’s everything at work? How’s Rosa?’ He started undressing.

‘She’s fine.’ Jake kicked his jeans off. ‘Some people got hurt but nobody was killed. It was… a lot. But I’ve seen worse.’

Charles looked at him with big, sad eyes, and Jake knew they were both thinking about Amy. He didn’t have the energy for that tonight – he just wanted to be happy with the knowledge that Katie and Rosa were both okay, and that Charles was here. He crawled under the covers, and Charles joined him, wrapping an arm around him. And Jake felt like they had more to talk about, like there was something else he needed to say to Charles. But, before he could do anything else, he was asleep.

 

When Jake woke up, Charles was still sleeping beside him. Jake crowded as close to him as he could without waking him up, enjoying his warmth and the fact that he could just lie here after the chaos of the previous day. He dozed for a while, and then Charles woke up and rolled over to cuddle him properly, and Jake thought maybe he could get used to this.

‘We should sleep together more often,’ Charles mused.

‘Oh yeah?’ Jake said, suggestively.

‘I meant actual sleeping,’ Charles said. ‘But I could get behind that too.’

Jake kissed him, softly and slowly. ‘Me too.’

They kissed again, and Charles rolled on top of him, and Jake slid his hands down Charles’ back, and Charles’ fingers made their way into his hair.

‘What about the kids?’ Charles said.

‘They’ll be fine,’ said Jake. He rolled them both over and started kissing Charles’ neck.

‘They will,’ Charles said.

 

The kids were, indeed, fine. When Jake and Charles made it into the living room, the two of them were sprawled on the couch eating pop tarts and watching a cartoon.

‘Hey, dad,’ said Katie.

‘Hey, you,’ Jake said, sitting on the arm of the couch. ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t there yesterday.’

‘It’s fine – Charles came and got me,’ Katie said.

‘Are you okay?’

‘Yep,’ Katie said. ‘They were all worried that I had a concussion, but I didn’t, and eventually it stopped bleeding. The nurse put some of that anti-germs stuff on it and gave me an ice pack.’

‘Good.’ Jake stroked Katie’s hair carefully, trying to see where she’d hurt herself. ‘Finish your breakfast and then we’ll deal with this blood, okay?’

‘Sure,’ said Katie. She gently pushed his hand away. ‘Seriously, I’m fine. It doesn’t even hurt anymore.’

‘Okay.’ Jake stood up, making a mental note to double-check later.

‘Breakfast?’ said Charles.

‘Breakfast,’ Jake agreed.

He followed Charles into the kitchen, watched him open the fridge and frown at its contents.

‘You don’t have much food,’ Charles said.

Jake pressed himself up against Charles’ back, arms around him, lips to his neck. ‘I have loads of food. Ketchup. Pickles. Leftover pizza. All of those things are food.’

Charles turned around and pressed a swift kiss to Jake’s mouth. ‘And pickles are even _vegetables_ ,’ he said. From anyone else it would have been sarcastic, but Charles never quite _managed_ sarcasm.

Jake laughed, and kissed him again, and felt thoroughly delighted. It had been a long time since he felt this happy with anyone other than Katie - too long - and he was damned if he was going to let his past ruin this happiness.

‘I love you,’ he said.

Charles beamed, and let out a weird squeal that he tried but completely failed to stifle. ‘You’re not just saying that because I said it, are you?’ he said.

‘No,’ said Jake. He couldn’t stop smiling. ‘I really do love you.’

Charles hugged him delightedly. ‘I love you too, Jakey.’

‘I love you,’ Jake said again. The words felt so good in his mouth. He kissed Charles’ shoulder, his neck, his ear. ‘I love you, I love you.’

 

 

They spent an increasing number of nights at each other’s flat, desperate for any time they could spend together. They would stay up after the kids went to bed, to talk and drink beer and watch movies. Sometimes Jake would sprawl across the couch with his head on Charles’ lap, pretending to watch TV but far more interested in Charles’s hand in his hair. Jake was especially eager for them to spend time together _alone_ , rediscovering all the things he used to like, and discovering Charles for the first time.

‘Why didn’t you tell me Charles was so good in bed?’ he joked to Gina, at work one day.

‘Ugh.’ She made a face. ‘I explicitly said I wasn’t going to talk about that!’

‘I know,’ Jake said, cheerfully. He had been feeling pretty cheerful in general, recently.

He and Charles were used to looking after each other’s kid if one of them was at work – Jake was starting to find it weird on the days Nikolaj _wasn’t_ with him and Katie.

‘I used to live in Latvia,’ Nikolaj said, out of the blue one day as he and Katie were drawing together.

‘Oh?’ said Jake. ‘What was that like?’

‘Rubbish.’

‘Coolcoolcool,’ Jake said. He was only just realising that Nikolaj had probably had a pretty rubbish life pre-Charles, and he didn’t know what to say about it. ‘You like it better here?’

‘Yes,’ Nikolaj said, thoughtfully. ‘Because now I have Papa. And Mom. And my friends like Katie.’

‘Haha, nerd,’ said Katie.

‘ _Hey_ ,’ said Jake. ‘Nikolaj was being nice, so you can be nice back.’

‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘I’m glad you’re here, too. Nerd.’

Jake figured that he didn’t have much of a moral high ground when it came to making fun of someone you cared about, so he left it.

‘Do you guys want some lunch?’ he said. ‘It might not be up to Charles’ standard, but I’ll see what we’ve got.’

He made them both PB and Js, and also carrot sticks, because a big part of being a parent was making children eat vegetables. He made the same thing for himself, because a big part of being _Jake_ was eating like a nine-year-old. At least, it had been before Charles had come into his life.

‘Thanks, Dad,’ Nikolaj said, when Jake set his plate down.

‘No problemo,’ said Jake, and then realised what had just happened. He stared at Nikolaj, but he was oblivious, so Jake wandered off and tried to work out what he was feeling.

It might have been nothing. Like when he had called Holt ‘dad’ - the _first_ time he had called Holt ‘dad’. Just a slip of the tongue. But that _hadn’t_ meant nothing, had it? It had been the start of an important and complicated relationship that had led to Katie calling Holt ‘Granddad’.

Was it an accident? Or was it some kind of result of Jake and Charles’ relationship? Maybe they should have kept it quiet, should have hidden it from the kids somehow. What if they broke up – what would that do to Katie and Nikolaj? Surely both of them had already been through enough when it came to parental issues?

Jake realised with a start that this was the first time he had considered that he and Charles might break up. He really, _really_ didn’t want that to happen. He loved Charles – he’d finally accepted that – and he couldn’t stand the thought of losing him.

Charles came over at the end of his late shift at the food truck. Jake made them a stir fry, which Charles insisted was amazing, and afterwards they lay in Jake’s bed and Charles ran his hands through Jake’s hair. Jake figured it was best, for now, not to mention what had happened with Nikolaj.

 

 

With so much happening, the wedding seemed to sneak up on them.

‘Oh, jeez, I can’t believe it’s next week,’ Jake said to Katie, over dinner one night. ‘We’ve gotta get you something nice to wear. How about a dress?’

Katie made a face. ‘I don’t wanna wear a dress.’

‘That’s okay,’ said Jake. ‘But why not?’

‘Because dresses are girly.’

‘What’s wrong with being girly?’

Katie considered this. ‘I don’t know. I’m just _not_.’

‘I’m not gonna make you wear a dress,’ Jake said. ‘But I want you to know that there’s nothing wrong with being girly. Your mom was girly sometimes – she liked wearing dresses – and she was the most badass person ever.’

‘What about granddad?’ said Katie, like she’d found a perfect flaw in his argument. ‘Or John McClane?’

Jake laughed. ‘Okay, those are the top three most badass people. But the point is that your mom could always be badass _and_ girly. One time she chased down a bad guy when she was wearing a big poufy wedding dress.’

Katie considered this, and nodded slowly. ‘Maybe I’ll try on a dress.’

‘Noice,’ said Jake. ‘But your mom could also rock a pantsuit, so we’ve got options, yeah?’

Katie was true to her word, but she looked so uncomfortable in the dress that Jake decided to ditch the whole idea and took her to the boys’ department to find her something else to wear. Which was a good move, because she looked ridiculously cute in the tiny suit she ended up with.

 

 

Rosa and Gina had a joint bachelorette party, which involved ridiculous amounts of alcohol and pink feather bowers.

‘They’re ironic,’ said Rosa.

‘They’re not,’ said Gina. ‘Ro-ro loves them feathers.’

‘Shut up,’ said Rosa. ‘And get another round of shots.’

Somehow the night ended in a karaoke bar, with Jake and Charles signing a duet.

‘That. Was. Beautiful,’ Rosa said. ‘You two are the bestest couple. I’m so happy for you guys!’ She beamed at them in a way that only drunk-Rosa could.

‘We _are_ the bestest couple,’ Jake said, slinging an arm around Charles’ shoulders. He was the perfect height for that, the perfect shape to fit against Jake’s side. ‘But you and Gina are okay.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some shots in the show where you can see the labels on people's desks, and apparently Rosa sits opposite someone called Casey Cook, and Charles sits opposite someone called Sidney Brown. I like to think that Casey and Sidney have their own things going on and find the rest of the squad kind of ridiculous - maybe I'll write that fic someday...  
> As always, thanks for reading!


	14. Diaz-Linetti Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rosa and Gina's wedding causes Charles to learn some things about himself, and some things about Jake. Something for the Dianetti shippers, and a lot for the Jake/Charles shippers.  
> This chapter contains a mild reference to self-harm, and an even milder reference to suicidal thoughts. And a hell of a lot of fluff.

Charles adjusted his tie in a mirror that was clearly meant more for decoration than practicality. The hotel, like every other part of Rosa and Gina’s wedding, sat comfortably on the line between classy and over-the-top, all gold and glitz.

‘I love this,’ he had said to Gina earlier, while she was getting her makeup done. ‘Oh my god, I’m so excited to be a part of this!’

‘There’s still time for me to ask Terry to walk me down the aisle,’ she had said. But it had been an empty threat, and now Charles was waiting in an anteroom as the wedding guests took their seats.

Jake appeared, holding a massive bouquet of flowers. Charles wondered what Jake’s own wedding had been like all those years ago, wondered if it was something he would hear about. He knew Holt had officiated, and that it had almost been a total disaster – Gina had mentioned something about a bomb, he was pretty sure. He imagined Amy in a white dress, walking towards Jake as he gave her that look of love and awe that Charles was becoming so familiar with.

‘Hey,’ said Jake, breaking Charles out of his thoughts. ‘These are for you. Well, for you to give to Gina.’ He held out the flowers, and Charles took them. They were surprisingly heavy.

‘You look amazing,’ Charles said.

‘So do you,’ Jake said.

He leant in and kissed Charles over the top of the flowers, and Charles was hit with a rush of _I want this._ The runaway train that was his heart and overactive imagination was going wild with thoughts about flowers and Jake in a suit and wedding rings and vows and promising Jake that he would be there forever, no matter what.

Charles had always loved the idea of getting married. He had loved _being_ married too, at least until Eleanor left him and started dating his divorce lawyer and strong-armed Charles into signing most of his money away. But, in hindsight, she clearly hadn’t been the person he needed, the person he was waiting for. And now, as Jake kissed him a little more intensely than was probably appropriate right now, one hand coming up to rest on Charles’ waist, he was pretty sure he had found that person.

And then the door opened, and Charles and Jake hastily broke apart and Rosa and her dad walked into the room. Rosa was wearing an elegant white dress and a broad smile that Charles had never seen before.

‘’Sup,’ she said.

‘ _Heyyy_ , bride number one,’ said Jake. ‘Mr Diaz, a pleasure as always.’

‘Peralta.’ Rosa’s dad acknowledged Jake with a curt nod.

Charles wasn’t sure what to say, so he plumped for, ‘Hi!’ Rosa and her father gave him almost identical nods.

‘How are you doing?’ Rosa said, turning back to Jake.

‘I’m great,’ he said. ‘Super hyped to be your best man. I’ve got the rings and everything.’ He patted the pocket of his suit jacket.

‘Good,’ said Rosa. She paused. ‘I wish Amy could have been here.’

‘Me too,’ said Jake.

Charles looked out of the window and tried to fade into the wallpaper. (It was beige – it would have been easy if he had been in his normal clothes.) It was obvious that he was out of place in this conversation.

‘I don’t have a maid of honour,’ Rosa said. ‘Just you. Because no-one except Amy could be my maid of honour.’ She sniffed.

‘Are you _crying_?’ said Jake. ‘Oh my god, come here.’

He pulled her into a hug, Rosa holding her own bouquet stiffly out of the way. ‘Careful,’ she said, her voice thick.

‘Right,’ Jake said. ‘Wedding dress. You look beautiful, by the way.’

‘Thank you,’ Rosa said, as they broke apart.

‘Are you okay?’ Jake said.

‘Yeah,’ said Rosa. ‘Everything else is perfect. These nups are mad toit.’

Which was obviously a Jake-ism, and made both of them laugh.

‘Okay, right, I gotta go,’ Jake said. He kissed Charles quickly. ‘See ya, babe!’

He sailed through the double doors into the room where the ceremony was taking place, leaving Charles alone with Rosa and her dad. Nobody spoke, but Rosa and her father seemed to be communication something important through their facial expressions, so Charles looked away and tried to pretend he wasn’t there.

And then the music started up, and Rosa was taking her father’s arm, and they were stepping through the doors. Charles was alone for only a moment before Gina joined him.

She was wearing the most ridiculous dress he’d ever seen. She looked like a Disney princess in a mass of gold fabric and sequins - not unlike what her mother had worn when their parents got married, except _more_. But because she was Gina, she looked amazing in it.

‘What do you think?’ She said.

‘Beautiful,’ said Charles. ‘I have the sexiest sister ever.’

‘Don’t make this weird.’

‘How are you feeling?’ he said. ‘Nervous?’

‘I’m ready to finally leave behind my status as a single woman.’ Gina fiddled with the gold veil clipped in the back of her hair. ‘After I’ve been engaged a bunch of times.’

‘Like me,’ said Charles.

‘Nothing like you,’ Gina said.

‘Ready?’ He handed her the flowers.

‘Ready.’ Gina took his arm. ‘Thanks for doing this. It... means a lot to me.’

‘Oh my god, I just got some Gina sincerity!’ he said. The music started up on the other side of the door - Gina had opted for a Beyonce song rather than the normal wedding march. ‘I can’t believe our drunk sex led to me walking you down the aisle.’

‘This is a beautiful moment,’ Gina said. ‘And you’re getting your Charles weirdness all over it.’

They pushed through the double doors together, and everyone craned to look at them as they began to make their way down the aisle. Jake, standing beside Rosa and Holt, caught Charles’ eye and grinned.

Holt moved through the ceremony with his signature impassive eloquence, but his comments still had everyone tearing up. Rosa was beaming the whole time, even as she blinked back tears.

‘Do you, Rosa,’ Holt said, ‘take Gina as your lawfully wedded wife?’

‘I do,’ Rosa said.

‘And do you, Gina, take Rosa as your lawfully wedded wife?’

‘I do.’

And they kissed, and everyone applauded. Charles couldn’t stop smiling, somehow delighted and teary and jealous all at once.

‘I love you so much,’ Rosa said to her new wife, so soft and open.

‘Samesies,’ Gina said.

 

Everyone followed Rosa and Gina out onto the hotel’s grand front steps for what felt like approximately a million photos, during which Jake had to get Katie to stand still, and also had to somehow get _himself_ to stand still.

‘They’re so _cute_ ,’ Charles said, craning to watch Rosa and Gina kiss for the camera.

‘Yeah,’ said Jake, not looking at them. He pretty much only wanted to look at Charles. He was mad that he’d never had to opportunity to see his boyfriend in a suit before, because he looked _amazing_. It was darker than his usual clothes, and hugged his body in just the right way.

When the photos were finally done, Jake and Charles joined everyone else in filing into the dining room. They deposited Katie and Nikolaj at the kids’ table, where they immediately struck up a conversation with some of Rosa’s nieces.

They ran into Lynn and Darlene Linetti by the seating chart, and Charles hugged his dad, and Darlene gave Jake a weird pat on the shoulder.

‘How _are_ you?’ she said, meaningfully.

‘I’m great,’ Jake said. ‘Oh, we’re on the head table. Should probably have figured that out.’

They took their seats, and they drank champagne, and Jake listened to Charles talk about the food, and then it was time for Jake to give his best man speech.

‘I’ve known Rosa and Gina for a long time,’ he said. ‘I have some photos of Gina in middle school that I’m sure you’d all _love_ to see – unfortunately I’m saving them in case I ever need blackmail material.’ There was a titter of laughter from the room. ‘I’ve seen Gina crush our entire grade at spin the bottle – which I didn’t know you could win at, by the way – and I’ve seen Rosa crush all kinds of things. Mostly printers.’ More laughter.

‘They’re two of my closest friends,’ Jake continued. ‘Which is why it’s so crazy that I never saw how _right_ they are for each other. They balance each other out. For example, Gina talks about herself nonstop, and Rosa has literally never told me anything about herself, ever.’

Everyone laughed again, and Rosa grinned up at Jake.

‘Gina and Rosa have been there for me through the best times of my life, and the worst,’ he said. ‘I’m eternally grateful to have them as part of my super-weird work family, and that my daughter can grow up with them as her role models. But most of all, I’m happy they have each other.’

Rosa got to her feet and pulled Jake into a hug, which was the second time she had hugged him, ever. And then Gina got up and threw her arms around both of them.

‘That was a dope speech,’ she said.

After that, Rosa’s dad gave a toast that started out stiff but turned into something so heartfelt that it made Rosa cry.

‘I never saw my daughter spending the rest of her life with a woman,’ he said. ‘But the fact that this woman loves her... makes me immeasurably happy. I’m sorry I ever doubted that this was right for you.’

‘Oh, dang,’ said Gina, squeezing Rosa’s hand as her new wife dabbed her eyes.

‘To Rosa and Gina,’ Mr Diaz said.

Jake raised his glass along with the rest of the room. Drinking champagne made him feel ridonkulously fancy.

Rosa and Gina had their first dance to a Mary Lambert song, and soon everyone else was filtering onto the dance floor.

‘Shall we-?’ Jake started to say. ‘Oh, hey Terry! Sharon – looking snazzy.’

‘Hi, you two,’ Sharon said.

Terry looked seriously at Jake. ‘How are you _doing_?’

‘I’m good!’ said Jake.

‘Why do people keep asking you that?’ Charles said when Terry and Sharon had moved away, and then raised his eyebrows like he had realised something. ‘Does it have something to do with my dad’s wedding?’

‘Uh, yeah,’ said Jake. ‘I sort of… walked out of the ceremony.’

Charles frowned. ‘I didn’t notice.’

‘Do you wanna go somewhere quieter?’ Jake said.

‘Okay.’ Charles took Jake’s hand. ‘Okay.’

Jake led him out of the teeming ballroom, into the hotel’s foyer. He didn’t want to have this conversation, but he also _did_ , wanted Charles to know everything about him.

‘So you walked out of the ceremony?’ Charles said. Jake kept a hold of his hand.

‘I was at the back,’ he said. ‘But yeah, I… Holt officiated mine and Amy’s wedding. And watching the ceremony, I just couldn’t deal with it.’

It was almost two years after Amy died. In those days Jake’s grief was something volatile, something violent. Like a bomb on a ticking timer, just waiting to go off.

‘You don’t have to come to the wedding,’ Gina had said.

‘Of course I’m coming,’ Jake had replied. Looking back, he should have stayed home. But he hated the thought of anyone coddling him.

He had made an effort. He had worn a suit and coaxed a grumpy three-year-old Katie into a dress. He had been almost okay, right up until the ceremony itself. Everything Holt said brought back memories that should have been good, memories that would have been happy if Amy was still around. But as it was all Jake could think about was the fact that he was sitting beside Rosa rather than his wife, and the collar of his shirt was too tight, and the room was too hot, and weddings were terrible anyway, and he should never have come.

‘I left Katie with Rosa,’ he told Charles. And I just… walked out. And then I didn’t show up to the reception. I was just hiding in the bathroom, kind of losing it.’

Jake remembered pacing around the bathroom, thoughts swirling around his mind. What kind of dad just ditched his child like that? Jake wasn’t cut out for this. The idea of being a parent had been terrifying enough when he had Amy at his side, but now? He couldn’t do this.

He had lashed out. Hit a mirror. Some guy had walked in on him and immediately walked back out. (Looking back, he was probably a Boyle cousin) Eventually, Gina had found him.

‘Oh, Jacob,’ she’d said. From anyone else it might have sounded pitying or exasperated, but from Gina it sounded like _I feel ya._

‘I can’t do this anymore,’ Jake had said, as Gina wiped the blood off his hand.

‘You should go home.’

‘I mean, I can’t do _any_ of this anymore.’

‘You’d better not be saying what I think you’re saying.’

Jake had closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall. ‘I’m not. I just. I don’t. I _hate_ this.’

‘I know,’ Gina had said. ‘But listen to me, boo. Things are gonna get better. And things are shitty right now, but your daughter needs you.’

‘Okay,’ Jake had said. ‘I’m coming.’ But he hadn’t gone anywhere, he had started crying. It had taken frustration from Gina, anger from Rosa, and much coaxing from Terry before Jake had left the bathroom and called a cab to take him and Katie home.

Charles was looking at him in such a sad, crumpled kind of way, and Jake hated it.

‘But I’m fine now,’ he said, pulling his mind back to the present. ‘C’mon, babe. Let’s go back to the party.’

‘Are you sure?’ said Charles.

‘ _Yes_.’ Jake kissed him quickly. ‘I’m fine. I’m amazing. I just wanna hang out with you and drink those peach drinks that Rosa’s obsessed with.’

‘Okay,’ said Charles, seeming to accept that. ‘Okay, let’s go.’

Jake took his hand and they walked back to the ballroom together, where they met Holt and Kevin.

‘Nice to see you, Jake,’ Kevin said, and looked at Charles. ‘I believe we are yet to be introduced.’

‘This is Charles,’ Jake said, beaming. _This is Charles, and I love him._ ‘Babe – this is Holt’s husband Kevin. I call him Kev.’

‘No, he doesn’t,’ Kevin said, shaking hands with Charles.

‘I am glad the two of you are…’ Holt paused like he wanted to say something but didn’t know how. ‘Getting along. Romantically.’

‘We really got inside of each other,’ Charles said.

Jake snorted with laughter. ‘He didn’t mean that the way it sounded,’ he said. ‘Or _did he_?’

‘Oh, is that Sergeant Jeffords?’ Kevin said, looking over Jake’s shoulder. ‘Raymond, perhaps we should say hello.’

‘That would be sensible,’ Holt said, and the two of them moved away.

‘Did I say something wrong?’ Charles said, looking lost.

Jake laughed. ‘Not at all.’

‘Do you want to dance?’ Charles said.

Jake definitely wasn’t about to turn down an opportunity to get his hands on Charles in that suit. ‘Yeah, let’s dance.’

They walked out to the dance floor together, and everything was candlelight and music and the soft blur of people moving around them. It was a slow dance, something soft and tender, something that sounded like how it felt when Rosa smiled at Gina.

Jake’s hand found Charles’ waist. ‘I love you,’ he said.

Even after months of saying it, Charles looked ridiculously happy. ‘I love you too.’

Jake kissed him quickly, kept his eyes on him as they danced. There was nothing outside of the two of them.

‘Are you okay?’ Charles said. He was watching Jake with concern again - maybe it had been a bad time to tell him about what had happened at his dad’s wedding.

‘I’m good,’ Jake assured him. ‘It’s different from last time. I guess just because I’ve had more time. And also... because of you.’

Charles’ look of worry melted away. ‘I love you so much,’ he said. ‘I’m so glad I get to make you happy.’

Jake kissed him. ‘Can I just say, you look hot as fuck in that suit. Did I just totally kill the romantic vibes?’

Charles laughed and pulled him in closer. ‘You could _never_.’


	15. Cold Feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faced with a difficult situation, Jake reflects on his past and comes to some realisations.

‘Let’s go outside,’ said Jake, after they’d been dancing for who knew how long.

‘Sure. It’s too hot in here.’

‘That’s your fault,’ Jake smirked.

Charles took his hand and they made their way to the ballroom doors together as the opening chords of Wonderwall filled the room. The cool air was a relief. The sun was only just going down outside – it was a lot earlier than it felt. (Charles had strong opinions about timing when it came to weddings, be there was no point getting into that now.)

‘Are you having a good time?’ Jake said.

‘Of course.’ _I’m with you._

Jake smiled at him softly, held his hand, and Charles wanted this to last forever and ever. He had been in love so many times – too many – but something about this felt different, more special. More real.

‘Do you want to move in with me?’ Charles blurted out. And it was probably a mistake, but it was a step up from what he wanted to say, which was _we should get married_.

Jake lurched away from him. ‘Charles.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Charles said. He wished he could stop apologising for loving Jake. ‘I just-’

_Marry me. Let me look after you, let me make things better for you. Come live with me, let me cook you dinner, let me touch your hair, let me kiss you every single day. Promise me, promise me._

‘I can’t,’ said Jake. ‘Don’t you get it?’

The look on his face hurt so much. And Charles thought, _I wish it would stop hurting_. And that was a bad, selfish thing to think, because of course Jake was the one with the real pain. And Charles was supposed to respect that, was supposed to slow down, and he _hadn’t_.

‘I should go,’ he said.

‘Yeah, maybe you should,’ Jake said, a sharp edge to his voice.

 

Despite the warmth of the night, Jake was cold. He folded his arms awkwardly in his suit jacket, closing himself off, protecting himself. Charles looked at him with big, sad eyes.

‘I don’t want to hurt you,’ he said, helplessly. ‘I just-’

‘ _Stop_ ,’ Jake said. ‘Just – stop.

‘Okay,’ Charles said. ‘Okay. And he turned back towards the ballroom. Jake hated that he was leaving, hated that it was his fault, hated that everyone left sooner or later. Hated _himself_ for constantly ruining what should be happy moments.

Because every time they did something new, every time there was a new sign that this relationship was serious, Jake felt the dread creeping up on him. The anxiety squeezing at his chest. The feeling that he was betraying Amy, the guilt for feeling like that. The overwhelming feeling that falling in love was a dangerous activity, because everything could be taken away so quickly and so cruelly.

He wished he’d reacted differently, that he hadn’t suggested going outside, that he’d never got into this stupid mess.

He wished Amy was here.

He felt like a lifetime had passed since they came outside, but Liam Gallagher was still singing in the background. _I said maybe, you’re gonna be the one that saves me._

Jake sat down on the patio, scrubbed his hands through his hair. He missed Charles already. But why did Charles always have to go and _say_ things like that? Why couldn’t he just accept where they were in their relationship, stop pushing for a second?

He didn’t know how long he sat there for. His head cleared of the champagne bubbles, the air that had been pleasantly cool turned cold enough to be uncomfortable. It got dark. People came out to smoke, and talk too loudly, and kiss. And Jake remembered how blissfully happy he had been when he and Charles had been dancing, and it made him angry all over again.

‘Jake?’

He looked up. Nikolaj was standing over him.

‘Hey,’ Jake said, trying to act like someone who was sitting on the floor for totally normal reasons.

‘Are you okay?’ Nikolaj said, scrutinising him.

‘Yep.’

‘You look… tired,’ Nikolaj said. ‘Do you want to go home?’

‘Yeah, actually,’ Jake said, and got to his feet. ‘That’s a pretty good idea. Do you know where your papa is?’

‘He’s inside talking to some grownups.’

Jake followed Nikolaj inside, and found Charles sitting with some of Gina’s family, at a table strewn with empty glasses. Charles looked up at him uncertainly, hopefully.

‘I think I need to leave,’ Jake said. ‘And the kids…’

‘Come on, Papa,’ Nikolaj said.  ‘I’m tired.’

Charles got up, wobbling slightly. ‘Alright, let’s go.’

They found Katie still deep in conversation with various Diaz kids.

‘C’mon,’ Jake said. ‘We’re going home.’

‘Good,’ said Katie. ‘I’m hungry. Is it dinner time? Or did we already have dinner?’

‘I don’t know,’ Jake said. He was exhausted. ‘We’ll get some food.’

The four of them walked out to the hotel’s driveway together. They had driven together, so they left together, even though Jake had no idea where he stood with Charles. _I’m sorry,_ he thought. _Please don’t leave me._

‘Are you okay to drive?’ Charles asked, quietly.

‘Yeah.’ Jake had had two drinks, several hours ago. Before the dancing and the fighting and the staring blankly into the darkness. They got into Jake’s car, the air thick with tension like an approaching thunderstorm.

‘Jake-’ Charles started to say.

Jake shook his head. He couldn’t think about this anymore tonight. ‘Stay at my place,’ he said, instead. ‘It’s late.’ _And you’ve been drinking. And Nikolaj has already fallen asleep in the backseat._

‘Is that a good idea?’ Charles sounded like he might cry.

‘Please,’ Jake said. They had spent the past few nights together, were supposed to be spending tonight together too. He couldn’t stand the thought of Charles going back to his own apartment, sealing this night off as one that had ended in a fight. ‘But we don’t have – we need food.’

Bagels. Orange juice. Carrots. Jake made a list in his head – it’s _fine_ , everything’s okay, we’re not breaking up, we’re going home together and we need _orange juice_.

‘Okay,’ Charles said. ‘We can get some.’

Jake pulled into the cramped parking space of an all-night convenience store. ‘Wait here. I’ll be one sec.’

He walked through the sliding doors, grabbed a basket. Bagels, orange juice, carrots. And then-

‘Open the register!’ The voice was high-pitched, panicked. And then someone let out sob, and there was the sound of a cash register opening.

Jake reached for his gun, but it wasn’t there, of course it wasn’t. And he didn’t have his badge, or a bulletproof vest of _anything_ , he was still wearing his stupid wedding suit. He had nothing to protect himself with – nothing to protect Katie and Charles and Nikolaj waiting for him outside. A rush of fear hit him, his hands shaking as he set down his basket.

He did this kind of thing all the time – it was his _job_. And sometimes it scared him, but not like this. Not this deep-seated panic. Because his boyfriend, his kids, were entirely too close, and Jake had nothing to defend them with.

He raised his hands to either side of his head, and stepped around the shelves.

There was a man in a worn denim jacket, pointing a gun at the woman behind the register. She was putting money onto the counter, silent tears running down her face.

 ‘Put down the gun,’ Jake said.

The man whirled round. ‘Stay away from me!’ he yelled. He held the gun with both shaking hands, aiming it directly at Jake’s head. ‘Take one more step and I’ll shoot you!’

Jake took a deep breath. In that moment, his heart pounding and his hands empty of anything to defend himself, a rush of memories came back to him.

A stakeout. A fight. A mattress.

_‘Nope, my butt hates expensive things.’_

_‘You know what your butt hates?’_ Amy had said. ‘ _Making any sort of sacrifice for us. Because it’s not serious about this relationship._

Jake remembered trying to order that mattress, remembered just how broke he had been in those days. A mattress was a big purchase – a big, _sensible_ purchase. One that, somehow, came to mean the difference between Amy and no Amy.

‘Do not _fucking_ move!’ the guy with the gun yelled.

A hospital. An old lady. A bomb.

_‘He said the blast would only hurt people in the room. You could just walk right out of here!’_

_‘You know I can’t do that. Now, please, give me the bomb.’_

And that wasn’t even the scariest thing that had happened that day.

When Amy had talked about having kids, Jake had felt the dread creeping up on him. The feeling of _I can’t do this._ He had felt it again, months later, holding Amy’s hand and watching the ultrasound screen, hearing his daughter’s heartbeat for the first time. _I can’t do this._ And then again, for just a moment, when he held Katie in his arms for the first time. And then again, slumped on a bathroom floor at Gina’s mom’s wedding, wondering how he was supposed to go on alone.

But he _had_ done it. And some days it had been hard, but every day he had done it. He’d been doing it for nine years – nine years of bedtimes and packed lunches and new sneakers and tantrums and hugs and all the other little things that made up his life. Nine years of Katie. He had done it, and it was the best thing he had ever done.

 _‘I do want to have kids,’_ he’d said, that day in the hospital waiting room. _‘With you.’_

‘I know you’re scared,’ Jake said, feigning calm with every fibre of his being. ‘But if you kill me, it’s only going to make things worse for you.’

‘I need this money!’ the guy yelled. ‘For my kids! You don’t understand!’

‘I do,’ said Jake. ‘I do. How many kids do you have?’

‘Two.’

‘Me too,’ Jake said. ‘I get it. I would do anything for them. But what would happen to your kids if you killed me?’

The man flinched, shook his head wildly. ‘Stop _talking_!’

‘Murder with a firearm means twenty-five years in prison, minimum,’ Jake said. ‘I’ve been to prison. Not gonna lie, it’s pretty terrible.’

The gun wavered.

And Jake remembered a couch. A beer. An almost-kiss.

 _‘I really like you,’_ Charles had said.

_‘I really like you too. But I… I don’t even know if I remember how to be with someone who’s not Amy.’_

Jake had never thought of himself as the kind of person who got _scared_. All of his role models were action movie heroes, all of his ambitions involving guns and cool one-liners. He had gone undercover in the mafia, taken down serial killers, survived a stint in prison. But when it came to the things that really mattered, Jake had hit a wall of fear over and over again.

‘Please,’ he said. ‘Give me the gun. For the sake of your kids, and for mine.

The woman behind the register was sobbing now. The man with the gun was looking more and more uncertain. ‘What’s going to happen to me?’ he said.

‘You might still go to prison,’ Jake said. ‘But for much, _much_ less time than if you kill me. And we’ll find someone to look after your kids. I know it’s terrifying. I know. But _please_ , give me the gun.’

The man hesitated. And then he flicked the safety on.

‘Good,’ said Jake. ‘That’s right.’ He held his hand out.

‘I just wanted to help my kids,’ the guy said, desperately. ‘I didn’t know what to do.’ He placed the gun in Jake’s hand.

And then the door exploded.

‘NYPD, drop the weapon and put your hands up!’ a voice roared, people suddenly swarming the shop. Yet another gun was pointed at Jake’s head, this one held by a cop in full tactical gear. It had been a long time since Jake was on the wrong side of this exchange.

One hand raised in surrender, Jake slowly lowered the gun to the ground. ‘I’m with the Nine-Nine,’ he said. ‘Detective Peralta.’

And then, ‘It’s okay, he’s with us!’

‘Terry!’ Jake said, relief enveloping him.

Terry gave him a quick once-over, checking he was okay, and then turned to handcuff the man beside him. ‘You should go outside,’ he said, glancing back at Jake. ‘Your boyfriend’s worried about you.’


	16. The Negotiation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which emotions are felt, and decisions are made.

Charles sat in the car, and wondered what he was going to say to Jake. He wanted to apologise, take everything back, beg for mercy until everything went back to normal. But he also _didn’t_ want that. He wanted to be able to love Jake unapologetically, wanted to love him without hurting him.

He wished Jake would come back. Wished he was less tipsy so he could think more clearly. He gazed through the car window at the convenience store and saw – was that a gun?

Charles’ heart lurched, and suddenly he was wide awake and shaking. There was a man with a gun, pointing it at the shop clerk. And _Jake_ was in there. He glanced at the backseat – Nikolaj was awake, rubbing his eyes, and Katie was staring out of the window.

‘Is that-?’ she said.

‘Don’t worry,’ Charles said. ‘I’m sure that whatever is going on in there, your dad’s got it under control. Don’t watch, sweetheart.’

He glanced back at the store – you couldn’t see much, anyway. Couldn’t see what was happening -couldn’t see Jake, couldn’t even see the gun anymore.

His thoughts tumbled over each other, each one worse than the last. What if Jake got hurt? What if Jake got shot, and the last thing they had said to each other had been a stupid fight? If something happened to Jake, then what would happen to Katie?

If something happened to Jake, what would happen to _Charles_?

‘I don’t feel good,’ Katie said.

‘Papa?’ Nikolaj said. ‘I need my inhaler.’

Charles scrabbled around for the inhaler, climbed into the backseat of the car beside the kids.

‘It’s okay,’ he said. ‘Don’t worry, it’s going to be _fine_.’

Katie pressed her face into Charles’ side. He rubbed a soothing hand over her back, reached for Nikolaj with the other arm. He wished Jake would come back _now_.

Only then did Charles realise he should call the cops. In case Jake couldn’t, for whatever reason. But there was no way he was going to voice his fears over the phone with the kids right here – and he wasn’t about to leave them in the car alone.

So he opened his phone, scrolled through his contacts. The only one of Jake’s coworkers he had a number for was Gina. _Please_ , he thought, tapping out a message, _let her obsession with her phone extend to her wedding reception_.

‘It’s alright,’ Charles said again. ‘You’re dad’s fine. He’s just – sorting it out.’

‘Okay.’ Katie said it like she believed him, but she was still pressed against Charles’ side.

Charles closed his eyes, tried to steady his breathing. He couldn’t let the kids see how anxious he was.

 **Gina** : Stay safe – someone’s coming

It was okay, it was okay. Someone was coming. Jake was going to be okay. Charles repeated it in his head, trying to convince himself.

And then there were blue lights and sirens, and they were surrounded by cop cars. There was shouting outside – people with bulletproof vests and guns and all kinds of things – and then they were storming through the door of the convenience store.

‘What’s going _on_?’ Nikolaj said.

Charles craned to get a better view, but he couldn’t see much. A lot of cops. But all he wanted was Jake. ‘I don’t know.’

A cop came out, and then another. A burly shape that Charles was pretty sure was Terry. And then two more cops, holding a man in handcuffs between them. And then Jake, in his suit, his curly hair a chaotic silhouette against the bright lights of the store.

And, before Charles could stop her, Katie was jumping out of the car and barrelling into her father. Jake hugged her, lifted her up off the ground. Put her down, ruffled her hair, smiled weakly.

‘Come on,’ Charles said.

He got out of the car, took a step towards Jake. Nikolaj was just behind him. It had stated drizzling, the damp sidewalk reflecting the blue lights around them.

‘Are you okay?’ Charles said. Jake didn’t say anything, just folded Charles into a hug. ‘Oh, Jakey.’

‘I love you,’ Jake said. ‘I’m so sorry about everything – I can’t – I don’t wanna lose you.’

‘What?’ said Charles, holding him tightly. ‘You’re not losing me. You’ve got me.’

‘I’ve got you,’ Jake repeated.

Charles pulled back enough to look at him. ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’

‘Yeah,’ Jake said. ‘I sorted it out. No one got hurt. Are you guys okay?’

‘Just worried about you.’

Jake gave him a gentle, reassuring smile and stepped back. And then Nikolaj hugged him.

‘Hey,’ Jake said, surprised, but he hugged Nikolaj back. For the thousandth time that day, Charles wanted to cry.

Terry strode over to them, wearing a bulletproof vest over the remains of his wedding suit. Jake moved away to talk to Terry, but Charles still heard what he said. ‘He was threatening to shoot me, but I talked him down, got him to give me the gun. We need to make sure his kids get looked after.’

‘We’re taking him into the precinct,’ Terry said. ‘Do you wanna come?’

Jake shook his head. ‘I’ve gotta take these guys home.’

They drove back to Jake’s apartment in silence, but somehow it was less heavy than it had been when they left the wedding. Once they got there, Charles didn’t really know what to do with himself. He went to the fridge, tried to think of something to cook, but all he could think about was holding the kids while a man pointed a gun at Jake.

‘Hey,’ Jake said, softly. He pushed the fridge door shut wrapped his arms around Charles. ‘Talk to me.’

‘I’m fine,’ Charles said.

‘I don’t believe you,’ said Jake, hugging him tightly. ‘We’re going to hug for ten minutes, and then I’m going to order pizza, and I’m going to make you happy.’

Charles hugged Jake back, breathing in his scent and burying his face in his shoulder. ‘What about the kids?’

‘They’re watching TV,’ Jake said. ‘I’ma give them some time to chill and then I’ll talk to them. I think they’re gonna be okay though - I don’t think they understood what was going on.’

‘Okay,’ Charles said, weakly.

‘I’m sorry about what I said earlier,’ Jake said.

‘We don’t have to talk about this now.’ Their fight seemed so long ago.

‘No, it’s okay,’ Jake said. ‘I was being an idiot. I really, really love you, and that scares the shit out of me.’

Charles pulled back enough that he could see the watery smile Jake was giving him. ‘I really, really love you too. And I know you’re scared. Of course you are. I can’t even imagine what you’ve been through. I wish…’ His voice cracked. ‘I wish I could do more to help you.’

Jake laughed, sadly. ‘You’ve done _so much_ to help me, babe.’

‘But I keep screwing up!’ Charles said. ‘I keep moving too fast, and then you freak out! And I just – I want to stop myself from doing that, but I don’t know _how_.’

‘I realised something today,’ Jake said. ‘When that guy was pointing the gun at me, I was scared. I was legit freaking out. But I remembered that just because I’m scared doesn’t mean I can’t deal with it. And all the best things I’ve done started with me being scared.’

Charles kissed him. He didn’t know what to say, but he wanted to show Jake that he was here for him, that he wasn’t letting him go.

When they broke apart, Jake said, ‘I want to move in with you. I’ll have to make sure Katie’s okay with it, obviously, but I don’t know why she wouldn’t be. She’s obsessed with you. She takes after me in that way, I guess.’

They kissed again.

‘Are you just saying that because it’s what I want?’ said Charles.

Jake shook his head. ‘I really want it too. And… there was something else I thought of.’

‘What else?’

‘Uh, it’s just an idea. If you don’t wanna do it, then that’s fine. And not right now, and also I haven’t asked Katie yet, and I definitely need to ask her about this-’

‘Jakey. It’s okay – just tell me.’

‘I want you to adopt Katie,’ Jake said. ‘Maybe not yet, but… someday. And I don’t know what the sitch is with Nikolaj and his mom, but… I want us to be a family. The four of us.’

‘The four of us,’ Charles repeated, still reeling.

‘Yeah,’ said Jake. ‘I know I reversed my opinion on all of that pretty quickly - I’m sorry - I shouldn’t have - I just…’

‘It’s okay,’ said Charles. ‘But why don’t we shelve this conversation for a bit?’

‘I’m serious,’ Jake said, quickly.

‘I know,’ said Charles. ‘But we’ve had a long day. Let’s just go be with the kids.’ He kissed Jake again, trying to let him know that he believed him, understood him. ‘There’s no rush.’

‘But you want to?’

‘Of course I want to,’ said Charles. ‘God, Jakey, there’s nothing you could ask me for that I wouldn’t want. But we don’t have to do everything right away.’

Jake seemed satisfied with that. He kissed Charles again, rubbed his hand up and down his back, and then said, ‘Let’s go see our kids then.’


	17. Modern Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically just an epilogue, featuring a lot of cuteness and fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who has been reading this, especially people who have commented! I didn't expect this fic to get such a great reaction, but the comments on this have been some of the best ever. Hope you enjoy this last chapter!

Nikolaj raced into the room, followed closely by Katie. He threw himself over the back of the couch, rolled across the floor, and Katie caught up to him and pointed her lightsabre at his face.

‘You’re under arrest,’ she said.

‘I don’t think so.’ He rolled away from her, and she gamely chased him around the living room again.

Jake lent against the archway that connected the living room and the kitchen. ‘Do you think they’re ever gonna grow out of that?’

‘I hope not,’ Charles said.

‘You haven’t seen the last of me, art supply bandit!’ Katie yelled.

‘You haven’t seen the last of me either, Sergeant Peralta!’

‘It’s _captain_!’ Katie said. ‘Captain Peralta-Santiago!’

She changed track and ran into the kitchen instead, going over to the cupboards to get a cup of water. Jake was struck, not for the first time, by how tall she was getting.

‘Did you get a promotion?’ Charles said, from where he was taking a tray of cookies out of the oven.

‘Yep,’ said Katie. ‘Can I have a cookie?’

Charles pretended to consider it. ‘I don’t know. Shouldn’t we wait for everyone to get here?’

‘But it’s my _birthday_ ,’ Katie said.

‘Oh, go on,’ Charles said. ‘Take one to Nikolaj.’

Jake leant over Charles to grab a cookie, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend’s neck as he did so. The cookie was amazing.

‘Is this a new recipe?’ he said.

‘Yes!’ Charles turned around to beam at him. ‘I had this fantastic idea for our wedding-’

‘Kids!’ Jake yelled into the other room. ‘Tell your papa he’s not allowed to cater our wedding!’

‘We’re not getting involved,’ said Nikolaj.

‘Katie’s on my side,’ said Charles. ‘Aren’t you?’

‘Nope,’ said Katie. ‘We’re staying out of this.’

‘Ugh,’ said Jake. ‘What’s even the point of _having_ kids if you can’t use them to win arguments?’ He leant down to kiss Charles. ‘Don’t cater our wedding,’ he murmured. ‘I want you hanging out with me, not hiding in the kitchen.’

‘Well, in that case…’ Charles trailed off, and pulled Jake into another kiss.

‘Get a _room_!’ Katie yelled.

‘We’re _in_ a room,’ Jake said. ‘You want all our rooms to have _doors_ between them? This is New York!’

He and Charles had gone in on a three-bedroom apartment together, and all four of them had made their mark on it. Charles had made things tastefully blue and beige, but Jake had insisted on keeping his _Die Hard_ poster and his basketball hoop.

‘I’m terrible at basketball,’ Charles had said, cheerfully. ‘My hands are too small.’

‘Your hands are perfect,’ Jake had said.

And then they had launched into a debate about whether or not ‘get your head in the game’ was the best song from High School Musical, which had Nikolaj siding with Jake and Katie insisting that it was a terrible movie.

In the spirit of Amy’s memory, Jake had bought a calendar and hung it on their kitchen wall. He never remembered to use it for day-to-day things, but all their birthdays and holidays were marked on it, as well as the wedding and their date in family court to get Charles’ adoption of Katie finalised.

The photo of Jake and Amy and baby Katie still had a prime position on the wall, but there was a picture of Charles and the kids next to it. And there was plenty of room for more: from their wedding, the vacations they were going to take together, birthdays and graduations.

The photo that had lived for so many years on Jake’s nightstand had a new home on their bookshelf, which, Jake thought, was where Amy would have been happiest anyway.

It still hurt, of course. It hit less often, but when it did it was no less painful. Not long after they had moved in together, Charles had come home to find Jake pacing their room, digging his fingernails into his palms.

‘Hey,’ Charles had said, gently. ‘Hey.’ He took Jake’s hands, and when Jake unfurled them he realised he’d been pressing hard enough to make them bleed.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.’

And Charles had pulled him over to the bed, and Jake had sat on the floor with his face pressed into Charles’ lap, crying as Charles petted his hair.

‘I’m here,’ Charles said. ‘I’m here, Jakey. Whatever you need.’

Eventually Jake sat up and wiped his eyes and tried to breathe, and that’s when he noticed the dark smears of blood his hands had left on Charles’ pants.

‘Oh fuck,’ he said.

‘Don’t worry,’ Charles said. ‘I’ll put some cold water on it. Can I see your hands?’

He cleaned off Jake’s hands, emailed his therapist to see if she had any appointments. And Jake was still hurting, but now he had someone to look after him – someone to make him dinner and fill the gaps in conversation, someone to hold him on the couch as they watched a movie.

‘What are you thinking about?’ Charles said, now. He had put the cookies in a tin, stacked with all the other non-refrigerated food they had put together for Katie’s birthday party. They had way too much, a significant amount of it made by Jake. He was getting better at the whole ‘cooking’ thing.

‘You,’ he said. Charles gave him the softest, most joyful smile and kissed him again.

The doorbell rang.

 

The squad was there, Gina and Iggy, Holt and Kevin, Jake’s parents, some other kids from school. Jake and Charles served up their ridiculous amounts of food, while Katie sat in the middle of it all opening presents and looking generally delighted.

‘I was pleased to receive your wedding invitation,’ Kevin said.

‘What’s the point, though?’ Gina said. ‘The wedding of the century already happened.’

‘Well we were _going_ to ask you to be best man,’ Jake said. ‘But I guess if you’re not interested...’

‘Like you’d ask anyone else,’ said Gina, but she looked pleased.

‘But more importantly,’ Rosa added, and then turned and yelled across the room ‘Hey, Charles! Show us the ring!’

Charles looked up from the pasta salad he was dolling onto plates, and cheerfully waggled his left hand at them.

‘It would never have occurred to me to stage an old-fashioned proposal for a non-heterosexual union,’ Kevin said, a little wistfully.

‘Oh dang, Kevin,’ Gina said. ‘You need to step up your non-heterosexual union game!’

Jake was pretty pleased with the whole thing. He had YouTube tutorial-ed his way into making a decent meal, and had remembered flowers and candles and everything. And the kids, as much as he loved them, had been safely out of the way at Gina and Rosa’s apartment.

‘This is so lovely,’ Charles had said, after they had eaten. ‘But you didn’t have to-’

‘Yeah I did,’ Jake said, and he got down on one knee. And Charles had cried as he said yes, and Jake had got up and kissed him and slid the engagement ring onto his finger.

‘Are you sure?’ Charles had said. ‘About getting married?’

‘Yeah,’ Jake had said. ‘I really am.’

‘Nobody’s ever proposed to me before,’ Charles said, giddily, and they had kissed again.

Despite the still-present grief, Jake was happy. He knew he’d never be _quite_ as happy as he was before Amy died – how could he be? But he was happier than he’d thought possible, under the circumstances. He had an amazing daughter, and an amazing almost-stepson, and an incredible fiancé.

And more cookies than he could eat, which was always a good way to be.

‘It’s a good ring,’ Rosa said. ‘I think I saw it on one of the wedding blogs I read.’

Jake frowned. ‘How do I _still_ know nothing about you?’ The corner of Rosa’s mouth twitched with a smile. ‘Also, why would you read wedding blogs when you’re already married?’

‘Because I want to.’ Gina and Kevin moved away, distracted by the food.  ‘You seem like you’re doing better,’ Rosa said. ‘In general.’

 ‘I am,’ said Jake. ‘I really am.’

Rosa looked pained, which meant she was about to talk about her feelings. ‘I think it’s… good,’ she said. ‘This. You and Katie and Charles and Nikolaj.’

‘ _Nikolaj_ ,’ Jake corrected.

‘That’s what I said.’

‘Nah,’ Jake said. ‘It’s different. _Nikolaj_.’

‘Nikolaj.’

‘ _Nikolaj_.’

From across the room, Charles caught Jake’s eye and beamed.


End file.
